Tag Archives: procrastinate

Book Review: Snow White and Rose Red by Wrede

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Wednesday!

Today’s book review is on

Snow White and Rose Red by Patricia C. Wrede. (Spoiler alert.)

As I’ve mentioned, Patricia C. Wrede is one of my favorite authors. She writes in an amazingly compelling way that’s very well done.

Her book “Snow White and Rose Red” is a retelling of a Grimm fairy tale of the same name. It is not the tale of “Snow White.” Instead, it’s a tale of two sisters and their mother.

Unlike most fairy tales, the mother actually lives for the entirety of the fairy tale, and they have a good relationship with each other. The original is relatively nice, and not actually as gruesome as many original fairy tales.

Wrede takes the fairy tale, and expands it beautifully. She sets the story in old England. The language use is beautiful, and the dialogue is written with “thees”, “thous”, and other flowery things that just sound pretty.

The human main characters are devout Christians who live on the edge of Faerie, and so also do a bit of magic. (So, very different universe.) They’re not witches, they’re not evil, and they mostly restrict themselves to using herbs for healing. Later in the book they learn how to do a bit of magic, but again it’s for healing purposes. Mostly. It’s slightly complicated.

Wrede did an amazing job. The fairy tale is fairly straightforward. Wrede takes the tale and adds about 3 subplots that interact with each other, and still fit the fairy tale. I can’t describe it well enough to do it justice. So pick up a copy for yourself and read it, ok?

And have a great rest of your week!

Book Review: Spindle’s End

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Tuesday!

I hope your week is going well, and just continues to get better! I’m continuing the Book Review series. Today’s is

Spindle’s End, by Robin McKinley (spoiler alert)

I really liked the first 5/6ths of this book. The setting is great, the characters are compelling, and it’s a fun retelling of the classic story of Sleeping Beauty.

It starts off with a description of the land. It’s a land that is thick with magic. Like, literally thick. It “settled over the land like chalk-dust.” It would also do random things like spontaneously transform loaves of bread into ivory thimbles that stayed around for a few days, before crumbling away to dust. Fairies are relatively commonplace, sort of. And the provide a very useful role in society: They help keep the magic manageable.

The first few chapters examine the life of the royalty, before switching over to one of the main characters of the story: A fairy named Katriona, who kidnaps young princess Briar-Rose for her own safety, and raises her as her own niece. For another interesting twist, McKinley gives the young princess the ability to talk with animals.

Most of the book is about the princess’s first 16 years. Then the last bit of the book is about what happens after she finds out she’s the princess. And that’s where it gets confusing. I’ve read the book several times, and I’ve yet to fully understand the last sixth of the book, or so.

This book is written for the young adult crowd, rather than the younger crowd. I recommend it, but not as strongly as the other books. McKinley’s ideas are creative and fun, but come across as really confusing in certain areas.

Have a great week, Fluffsters! Talk with you soon!

Book Review: The Ordinary Princess

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Hello, Fluffsters! As I’m sure you remember from yesterday’s post, I’m going to be doing a book review each day this week.

Today’s is another twist-on-fairy-tales story:

The Ordinary Princess, by M. M. Kaye (spoiler alert.)

I love this book. It was one of the first twisted fairy tales I came into contact with, and it was wonderful. It’s just over 100 pages, but the book is slightly larger than the Princess Tales. So I think it might have a higher word count, but I’m not sure. (If anyone can tell me where to find the wordcount on any of these things, I’d love it.)

This book is not a spoof of a particular fairy tale. Rather, it’s a spoof on all fairy tales. What would happen if a princess in the realm were not the most beautiful creature in all the land, but was, instead, ordinary? That is the premise of this book.

Princess “Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne” starts off as a “normal” princess; blond haired, blue eyed, exquisite, well tempered, etc. At her christening, however, one of her fairy godmothers arrives and grants her a gift- the gift of ordinariness. From that point on, she behaves exactly like ordinary children, and is known as Amy.

A number of events cause her to leave her home, work as a drudgery-maid in another castle (just like Carrie Woodengown!), meets her prince, falls in love, gets married, and lives happily ever after. (Spoiler alert.)

As I’ve mentioned, I love that book. It’s charming, well written, well illustrated, and absolutely wonderful fluff. So, I highly recommend it. I hope you get it and enjoy it!

Book(s) Review(s)! The Princess Tales

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You know one of the best things about summer? Time. Time to read. And do other stuff, but time to read is a wonderful thing.

As I’ve said, I’ve read a lot of fantasy. So I think that this week, I’m going to try to do a book review each day on some of my favorite books.

Today, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite Fluff collections:

The Princess Tales, by Gail Carson Levine (spoiler alert)

The Princess Tales books are basically re-told fairy tales for younger children, but anyone who still enjoys fairy tales will enjoy these.

They’re small books, the sort that can fit in your pocket. The age range is about 8 and up, but I could see anyone who’s starting to read chapter books loving these. There’s pretty much nothing scary in any of them. Alright, so you have a couple of traditional fairy tale elements, such as an evil fairy cursing Sleeping Beauty, but that’s mostly it.

In general, the tone of the books are very lighthearted and truly fluffy. Levine does an excellent job of taking traditional tales and tweaking them in a charming way.

Sleeping beauty, for example, is the smartest person in the world, doesn’t sleep before she pricks her finger, and researched “dwindling unicorn habitats” before the age of 6. The Prince and the Frog is combined delightfully with Rapunzel. Sortof. Not quite. (It’s called “For Biddle’s Sake.” You should read it.) And the tale of the Princess and the Pea? That’s just the “final exam” in a long serious of tests for whether someone’s truly a princess.

Levine writes in a charming, easy to read, funny manner. I highly recommend her books, and The Princess Tales especially, for anyone who has ever enjoyed fairy tales.

5 ways to defeat boredom

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Hello, Fluffsters!

Yesterday’s post was… interesting, wasn’t it?

Anyways, Today I’m going to try to rectify the situation.

Some ways to relieve boredom

1) Plot to take over a world. Not necessarily this world, of course. That would be bad. Probably. But plot to take over a world. I hear there’s nobody on Neptune, yet!

2) Write about a world you could take over. And then find some way to teleport yourself into the story, as Dictator of the World. Then you could really take over the world! And you never hear of any world dictators complaining of boredom, do you?

Uh… Does any world actually have a world dictator?

I’m sure there’s one somewhere. But moving on.

3) Learn woodworking. Create a musical desk.

I mean, isn’t that just fantastic? How can you possibly be bored when making something like that?

4) Waste too much time on YouTube. On the other hand, if you’re bored, I guess you’re not really wasting too much time.

5) Read a good book.  Not on “advanced empirical methods for statistical studies on the eating habits of the fruit-fly.” (whatever that would even be.) No, instead I’d read something like The Enchanted Forest Chronicles.

Well, there you go! Five ways to defeat boredom!

Happy Friday! I hope you have a great weekend.

How to thoroughly bore yourself

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Greetings, Readers!

From what I understand, your world is currently experiencing Summer.

One of the staples of Summer, from what I can gather, is perpetual boredom. After you are bored, solutions can be considered. But until you are bored, what point is there to any of the solutions? After all, if something isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

Huh. I’d always remembered it as “if it isn’t broken, fix it until it is!”

But I digress. Today, I am here to give you a list of ways to try to live your Summer to its fullest: By becoming bored.

5 Ways to Achieve Boredom

1) Sit in a very crowded room, with nothing to do. Especially if you cannot communicate with anyone. I’m sure you were thinking my first recommendation would be to find someplace quiet and sit. That is a bad solution. If there’s nothing else going on, you can think. If that fails, you can take a nap. With a crowded room, however, you cannot concentrate on anything. You cannot even concentrate on your own thoughts! Believe me, this is one of the best methods for achieving boredom.

2) Try to read a textbook on advanced empirical methods for statistical studies on the eating habits of the fruit-fly. Or something equally esoteric. If you’re a statistics nerd, try reading James Joyce.

3) Do 2… in Hebrew. Greek, if you already know Hebrew. That way you have even less chance of understanding what’s going on. That confusion will inevitably lead to boredom.

Wait a second… I don’t think it’s possible to have less of a chance of understanding what’s going on. You can’t have less than a zero-percent chance of something, right?

Ah, I can tell that you haven’t read “Advanced Empirical Methods for Statistical Studies on the Eating Habits of the Fruit-Fly.” The statistics would explain that possibility to you.

4) Put the fluffiest piece of music you can find on perpetual loop, and lock yourself in a room with it for a week. This is actually very similar to 1. But this has the added bonus of killing 7 days!

5) Paint some ebony black, an emerald green, a ruby red, or ivory white. Do your best to match the colors. Please note, this will be a slightly more expensive option.

I hope, dear readers, that this helps you attain the full Boredom that is promised with Summer! Have a fantastic Thursday!

Sometimes residential colleges are a pill.

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Sometimes, living in the college dorms can be a real nuisance. Most of the time not, but sometimes…

If you’re going to expand on that, you’re going to have to do so on you own. I am not asking you if you’d care to elaborate.

Ooh, “Care to elaborate”? Yes, I would care to elaborate!

Hey, that’s no fair! You changed my punctuation!

Ah, but I didn’t quote your punctuation. That means that it’s ok. So yes, I will elaborate. In fact, this elaboration will also help with one of the mission statements of the website!

We have official mission statements? When did that happen?

Well, not official mission statements. But it’s on the front page. This explanation will help our valued Fluffsters procrastinate!

Ah, by making them read through all of your topic-changes before getting to the end of the post? I thought I did that anyways.

You’re sidetracking me on purp- Wait, no. I’m not falling for that this time.

Falling for wha-

No.

I am going to explain to you about

A craft that looks epic but that I can’t do thanks to dormitory restrictions.

Ha.

Darn. There went that tactic.

So, I recently came across a fantastic craft tutorial for making hand-decorated candles. Basically, you take some white tissue paper, draw on it with markers, melt it into the candle, and voila! Instant decorated candle.

But alas, lamps with shades, coffee-pots with open burners, fabric in front of windows, candles, and pretty much any other form of flammable material or things that can start fires (except for cigarette lighters) are strictly forbidden at my school.

…But cigarette lighters are allowed?

I think so. You know, I haven’t actually checked on the flint-and-steel regulations recently…

But candles, as I was saying, are very strictly forbidden. That means that I cannot use any candle that I would consider decorating in such a fashion. Alas, such is the tragedy of dorm life.

Such a hard life you lead.

Alas, indeed. Woe is me, alas, and alack!

Wait, did you just switch roles on me? I thought I was supposed to be the overly dramatic one here!

I think the difference is that when you do it, you’re acting.

That’s a scary good point.

Well, Fluffsters, happy Monday! I hope that tutorial helps you procrastinate a bit.

Qualifying for a Qualifier Competition

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Hello, Fluffsters!

Happy Saturday! As usual this month, that means there’s a new design in my CafePress New and Now section.

…”If you use enough qualifiers, you’re usually right”? Where did that come from?

Heh. Funny story, that…

In real life, I sometimes have a tendency to use what some people consider to be a few too many qualifiers in real-life speech.

Oh. Just in real life, I see.

…What?

Anyways, a few people may have mentioned this a time or twelve. Per day, it sometimes seems. So my usual reply is that with my use of qualifiers, I’m seldom wrong. After all, I’ve mostly just said that certain things might be true under some circumstances.

Huh. Are you working on a thesis of some sort?

Not as far as I’m aware… Why do you ask?

Oh, no reason

Hm. Yeah. Back to the topic. You see, I thought that it might be amusing to create a shirt design that explained my logic.

…Yeah. Looking back at this post, if there was a competition for abusing qualifiers, I’d bet on you.

Uh… Thanks?

Anyways, happy Saturday, Fluffsters!

Make a Room Messy in 7 Easy Steps

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Greetings, Fluffsters! Happy Friday! (Weekend, yes!)

First of all, I just wanted to remind you quickly that today’s the last day to get a “You Look Comfortable. Let me change that” with a penguin on it merchandise at the current price. I’ll be adding something new to the New and Now section tomorrow, and moving those to the normal priced part of the store. So you should check it out!

Second, today’s post!

I’ve been thinking. There are a few things that I am really good at-

Because that’s not arrogant…

-and I’m going to give instructions for how to do one of those things. Specifically

How to make a room messy in 7 easy steps.

…what?

Yup! One of my skills is making things messy. It comes naturally to me, and I’m good at it.

1) Pick a room. This is an important step. Don’t skimp on this step. If this is your first time messy-ing a room, go with a smaller room. You probably want only one clutter-y surface.

2) Measure the open space. You don’t have to actually measure with a measuring tape or anything like that. Measuring it by eye also works.

3) Guesstimate how many items you’ll need.

4) Add 4. That’s how many items you’ll probably end up using.

5) Start doing something that requires *something*. This could be reading, it could be using your computer, or anything. The easiest is to do a craft.

6) Do not put your supplies away. Instead, place it tastefully, even artfully, on your open surface.

7) Repeat steps 1-6. When you have what looks like enough items to qualify as a “mess”, repeat once more. Just for good measure.

And that, fluffsters, is one method to make a room messy. Have fun!

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

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Greetings, Fluffsters! It has been too long since I’ve written a post.

You could have written yesterday’s…

You got there first. Besides, I like to keep my changes subtle. Like the change I did to- oh, right. I shouldn’t be telling you.

Change? What change? Where?

Oh, nothing… Pretend I didn’t say anything.

What did you change?

You don’t honestly think I’m going to tell you, do you?

Gah! Excuse me, Fluffsters. I’m going to try to track down Fluffy’s change…

 

Huh, that was effective.

Now, while she’s off on her wild goose chase, I’m going to tell you a story.

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

Once, a long time ago, one the Phoenixem had recently been reborn from the flames. It was a young phoenix, and had only celebrated its rebirth five times previously.

Now, each phoenix gains time between its rebirths. In fact, it may go up to as many months without a rebirth as it has had rebirths. So a new phoenix would burn into a new egg within a month. A Second Generating phoenix could wait up to two months. Of course, if something happened to it, it would instantly go up in flames into another egg. But no phoenix could enjoy its current generation for longer. The memories would survive each birth, and the personality would remain the same.

This young phoenix, as mentioned previously, just celebrated its fifth rebirth. It had lived, therefore, for nearly ten months. That of course is very young for a phoenix.

Within two days after its rebirth, the young phoenix decided to explore.

On wings of flame, it shot towards the skies- a comet in the clouds. Everyone who saw it watched with delight. There were only a few of the Phoenixem in existence. To watch one fly was said to bring Luck- both good and bad, for all magics were attracted to the Phoenixem – but the observers cared not. The spectacular beauty outweighed any potential negative effects.

That very day, a single seed fell in the spot of the Phoenix’s rebirth. The magics in the area sparked it to life, and out of the ground grew a slim pineapple plant. The plant absorbed the magics of the Phoenix, and glowed with an inner beauty. Rumors of this pineapple flew on the winds. Soon all had heard of it. Rumors abounded. Some claimed it would bring the dead back to life. Others claimed it would spontaneously combust. Before long, a crowd gathered around the plant. Half wanted to pluck the fruit and taste it; the other half were ready to defend it.

Finally, someone thought of the phoenix.

“It is a portent!” the villager said. “The Phoenix flew overhead, and the tree appeared! The Phoenix has not forgotten us; it left this in its place, to attract the magics!”

The villager was, of course, wrong. The Phoenix was young, and so had not intentionally drawn anything near its nesting ground. But none of the other members of the mob knew this.

“We must let it stand!” another villager said. “Eventually, it will ripen and fall on its own. Once that happens, we will see what it brings!”

And the villagers agreed. Although many still desired to pick it, they realized the folly of harvesting magic prematurely. And so they let the plant stand, and posted an honor guard, night and day, to watch the plant.

This lasted for 76 days.

On the 77th day, the Phoenix returned to its roost.

It came again on wings of flame, and the guards scattered. Although the phoenixem are peaceful, they may unintentionally harm others, for their flame is fierce.

When the phoenix returned to its roost, it noticed the plant with surprise and delight. It compared itself to the plant, and saw the inner glow. Slowly, the phoenix crept closer to the plant, still very curious.

It tilted its head around, to examine the plant better. It then finally understood. Despite the fact that it was glowing, the fruit was a pineapple!

A phoenix with its head nearly upside down

The phoenix tilted its head. It finally recognized the pineapple!

In the phoenix’s time abroad, it had come across the exquisite fruit multiple times before. It had developed quite the taste for them.

Without thinking about it further, the phoenix clawed the fruit open, and took a bite.

Delicious. The fruit was hot, sweet, and everything the phoenix looked for in a pineapple.

As soon as it removed he last vestiges of the fruit from the plant, to the phoenix’s surprise, the tree spontaneously combusted. In its place, a new seedling arose.

The phoenix smiled in delight, as only a bird can. The seed had gained some of the same magic of the Phoenixem! The fruit would regenerate!

And so the phoenix lived happily ever after with its fiery fruit.

The end.

Happy Tuesday, Fluffsters! Fare thee well, and I hope you have a marvelous day.