Tag Archives: pointless

Purple Dancing Elephants

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Hello, Fluffsters!

So, I’ve noticed this odd trend on Facebook recently. A number of my friends spontaneously declare that they are Purple Dancing Elephants. Odd, right?

There are about two things wrong with your previous paragraph, Webmaster.

First, the fact that people refer to themselves as… what?

Purple Dancing Elephants. Or occasionally Purple Prancing Pachyderms.

Ah. Right. Yes.

 

So what’s the second problem?

YOU calling something odd.

Oh, come on. Surely I’ve called something odd before. And anyways, isn’t it a bit unexpected?

I’m not entirely sure what it even means!

Alright, so I do have a theory. Several possibilities, actually.

1) It’s a secret password. Post “I’m a purple dancing elephant” on your wall, and people will know you’re one of them. And you can now show support and solidarity for your fellow Purple Prancing Pachyderms!

2) It’s a sign of the upcoming invasion of the trans-dimensional Orange Surly Kangaroos. And it’s their secret password. You see, the Orange Surly Kangaroos, (just like you, Fluffy,) are somehow in a different dimension from ours. And the only way they can communicate is through Facebook accounts, and the users thereof! So every time someone posts that they’re a Purple Dancing Elephant, it’s a sign that the orange kangaroos have gained one more member. And before you ask, yes, it’s the Orange Surly Kangaroos. Because it’s the opposite of what people would expect! And if the kangaroos are from a different dimension, and they’re speaking in this dimension? Clearly they’re smart enough to know about reverse psychology and stuff.

Clearly.

3) Everyone who posts has spontaneously turned into a purple dancing elephant. With some sort of telepathic ability that allows them to post on Facebook, of course.

Of… course.

So, Fluffy, what are your thoughts? Why do you think people post that they’re purple dancing elephants?

Well, given that I’m inclined to doubt that people in your world spontaneously transform into large quadrupeds of abnormal coloration, I imagine your third option is out. Of the other two remaining, I think the secret password is far more likely.

From what I know of your world, though, I’m inclined to think that none of the options mentioned above are quite accurate. I think it’s far more likely that it’s just some sort of prank people pull on each other. If one person forgets to log out on another’s computer, for example, I could imagine the owner of the computer posting something ridiculous on that person’s wall.

Nah.

Anyways, Fluffsters, happy Saturday! Are you doing anything interesting this weekend?

Oh, and before I forget, check out my new “I’m a purple dancing elephant” design on my CafePress store! Please? I’m really happy with how the illustration turned out, the products are at a discounted rate for a week, and I’d love any feedback you can give!

Instant Fluff

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Hello, Fluffsters!

First, just a quicky reminder: I’ll be switching out products in the New and Now part of my cafepress store sometime between today and tomorrow night. (I’m not quite sure which; it’ll depend on evening activities and stuffs.) So if you want to get any “I’m not crazy; you’re just ordinary!” merchandise, now’s the time to do it!

But I digress.

Today’s topic is…

“Instant” Fluff.

Instant fluff, as I’m defining it, is fluff that you can get or make very quickly. As usual, there are multiple ways to do this.

1) Shred a napkin. Napkins are condensed fluff. Shredding mixes air in. So, voila! Instant fluff.

2) Buy marshmallow fluff. But that’s just cheating.

3) Tangle some yarn. If you mix it together, you basically get a ball of fluff. And who doesn’t like a ball of fluff? (Besides crafters, who are trying to use the yarn you’ve just tangled?)

4) Shave a bichon frise or poodle. As a reminder, those are two types of very fluffy dogs. If you shave them, the fluff comes off. So there you go, a whole lot of fluff, ready for your fluffification!

5) Read this blog. But of course, you’re already reading it. So you were probably looking for some other way to add fluff to your life. But that’s probably why I put this as the last on the list. It’s really almost not worth mentioning, is it?

So there you go! Five ways to “instantly” add fluff to your life. What other ways do you think you could add fluff?

Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

…What?

It’s June 13, right? That means that it’s Kitchen Klutzes of America Day! It’s also national juggling day, but I’m going to ignore that. (Although really, who thought of putting those two on the same day? I can’t tell whether that’s genius, or cruel.)

knew about the holidays. I’m just surprised that you found it before I could write the post! You seemed fairly oblivious to other holidays

Yeah, well, I didn’t know about it before last night. You see, I was sortof fishing for a post subject. And this looked like it would work!

So. Here’s the post!

How to Celebrate Kitchen Klutzes of America Day

Ok. So I’m sortof figuring this out as I go. I was previously unaware of such a holiday, and so I’ve never celebrated it before. So I’m going to propose ideas for celebrating it, and I want you, fluffsters, to tell me what you think!

From my perspective, there are two different broad ways to celebrate this holiday.

First, if you’re a klutz, take this as a day in celebration of yourself. Second, if you’re not clumsy, show some appreciation for the Kitchen Klutzes.

If you go with the second option, here are a few ideas!

Idea 1: Throw pots, pans, and plates on the ground and against some walls. Nothing says “Kitchen Klutz” like a big huge mess, right? And this way you get to make loud, obnoxious noises! Best of all worlds, right?

Idea 2: Spill every drink you get the first time. So you can get a refill and try not to spill. But the first set of every drink you get, spill it all over!

Idea 3: Make spaghetti for dinner. And maybe French Fries with ketchup and mustard. And chili. And basically anything that stains. And be sure to spill it on yourself. Show solidarity with other Kitchen Klutzes, and understand what they go through on a daily basis!

And now, for celebrating your life as a kitchen klutz.

Idea 1: Cook, and don’t worry about spills! This is your day, after all! If you spill, you’re celebrating!

Idea 2: Make someone else do your cooking. What better way to celebrate being a kitchen klutz than by not making a mess?

Idea 3: Go out for all your meals. Alright, so this is more of “Idea 2b”. But yes. Go out for ALL THE MEALS! You’re a bit clumsy, so take the day off! Don’t be clumsy in the kitchen for an entire day… by avoiding the kitchen! And nobody will think worse of you for it, because it’s your day.

So, Fluffsters, no matter which category is yours, I hope you celebrate “Kitchen Klutzes of America Day” with style.

Competitive texting, anyone?

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Hello, Fluffsters! I’m back! Sorry about storming out yesterday…

That’s ok. I did a better job than you would have.

Oh shush. It was my idea. So I get a lot of the credit. But that’s beside the point.

Ideas, actually, are my point. Because I’ve had… an idea.

That sounds really ominous.

Oh, it’s not that bad! It might cause a few casualties, but it’s not that bad.

A few casualties aren’t bad?

It really depends. You see, it might be really fun! After all, a number of people die from horseback riding. And yet nobody says that horseback riding is a bad thing.

But really, who came up with that anyways? “Hey, here’s a big animal that could crush me if it kicks me. Let’s jump on its back! And hope it doesn’t throw us off!”

But anywho. Here’s my idea:

Competitive Texting.

…what?

Yes. Texting. It’s something you can do with a handheld device called a cellph-

Yes. I know what texting is. How the brassicae fati do you plan on making it competitive?

I’m glad you asked!

Woops.

So here’s how it works:

So first, you’ll need to find a large plot of land. Any surface would work. Ooh, and you could have multiple types, and difficulties, and, oh. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?

Yeah. You totally lost me.

Oh. Sorry.

But as I was saying. Large plot of land. Right. And then you can have an obstacle course set up there! And you could have multiple sets of obstacle courses! One, for example, would be for walkers. Another could be for driving.

So here would be how you could do it, once you’ve set up the obstacle course. You would have a competition for texters.

Competition

The competition would be judged on multiple criteria:

1) Speed of completing the course. Or getting from point A to point B. You know, typical competition stuff.

2) How many words per minute are sent via text. After all, faster texters should definitely be rewarded.

3) Quality of text message. You want to make sure that the texts aren’t just “I I I I I” over and over again, or something equally ridiculous. That would be cheating! So maybe competitors would need to pass the Turing Test while competing? That might work. This should probably take precedence over wpm, actually.

Ooh, and the obstacles could get progressively harder! Like, first it would just be a few people you’d need to get around. (For the walking course, of course.) Then there could be things like fire hydrants, tables with awkward legs that stick out, and maybe uneven curbs. And for the extreme section, you could maybe get walls that people would need to either go around or jump over! This could be FUN!

Webmaster, you’re slightly scary. I just want you to know that.

But yeah! I really think this has potential. I mean, it’s one of the things that people in the Millennial Generation are really good at, right? And according to some politicians these days, we really need to get more people involved in being active. So this would achieve that goal.

So what do you think, Fluffsters? New Extreme Sport?

What are your ideas for an extreme sport? Or how would you improve this one? Leave a comment below with your ideas!

Things Worth Sharing

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Monday!

Today, I want to talk about some things that are worth sharing.

Please tell me your random pair of socks in your purse is not one of those things…

Of course not!

Oh, good.

Then they become the random pair of socks outside your purse. Which are, of course, shareable.

Why. Just, why?

Webmaster, that does not count as “shareable.” It just doesn’t.

Ok… What about a running commentary on what music is currently stuck in my head?

That probably depends. What music is stuck in your head right now?

A song from a Disney musicalish thing! Found only in the Florida pa-

No.

Your license to share your muic has been officially revoked.

Hm. How abou-

I’m going to guess that’s “no” as well.

Ok, smarty, fine! YOU write this list! Goodbye!

Alright, I will!

What, no response? Ok, well, here it goes.

3 Apparently Shareable Things (by modern standards.)

1) What you had for lunch. Especially if you take a picture of it. Google and Facebook have mentioned this to me, so I’m guessing it must be so. (I don’t quite get it, but I’m sure it makes more sense when you live in a tangible world.)

2) Jokes and bad puns. Yes, those two are sometimes (but not always) different. Both are definitely worth sharing, though. Although jokes about fields are just corny. And comments about laughing cows are too cheesy.

3) This website about some overused expressions in your world. The analysis was amusing.

Well, that’s enough for right now! I hope you have a good week!

 

What to do with the Random Pair of Socks in your Purse.

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Greetings, Fluffsters! Happy Sunday!

Today, I’m going to be talking to you about:

What to do with the random pair of socks you find in your purse.

Ok. There’s got to be a story behind that one.

…What? Not everyone keeps a pair of socks in their purse?

Clearly not, by merit of the fact that the socks are “randomly” there.

It wouldn’t be random if they’re usually there.

Oh. Good point. Unless the socks themselves were randomly colored…?

No. So, what’s with the pair of socks in your purse?

Actually, I’m not entirely sure why I put them there this time.

This time?!

Yeah! I don’t know why they’re there this time. I don’t even remember putting them there!

Just to clarify… This is all hypothetical, isn’t it?

You don’t just randomly keep socks in your purse?

Anyways, here are some things you can do wi-

You’re serious?

Brassicae, why me? WHY?!

As I was saying, here are some things to do with your pair of socks!

5) Brainstorm how they got there. Did they come from the gap in the space-time continuum, and avoid getting eaten by the interdimensional rabid penguins of doom? Did they come from the black hole found in all dryers that suck away miscellaneous socks? Where? (If you figure out, do let me know?)

4) Sock puppets! Instant entertainment! Find other random junk to make faces, put on your hands, and voila! Instant sock puppet-age!

3) See how long it takes for them to start molding in your purse. Of course, that would probably end up smelling bad. And probably ruin the inside of your purse. But it is something you can do with socks!

What is it with you and mold?

2) Wear them. Assuming they aren’t part of your mold collection, of course. Because that would just be gross otherwise.

1) Write a blog post about them. And then talk about things you can do with them.

You were serious.

Yup! I found a random pair of socks in my purse, and I’m not sure how they got here this time. So, fluffsters, any recommendations? Or thoughts on how they got there?

And happy Sunday! I hope you have a wonderful week!

New CafePress Design (6/7/13)

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Saturday!

It’s a bit late, but did you know that yesterday was National Donut Day? I didn’t before I wrote yesterday’s post, or I would have mentioned it. Anyways, did you participate in the festifities? I had a half a stale chocolate-covered buttermilk bar. Not nearly as good as merely a glazed buttermilk bar, but still quite tasty.

But I digress.

I drew a picture last night! It didn’t turn out quite like I’d hoped, but it’s still similar(ish) to what I had in mind.

A crazy artistic owl going overboard with paints

I really wonder what he’s trying to draw…

And, because it’s the weekend, I’ve updated my CafePress shop. The “You Look Comfortable” designs have moved to the Total Fluff Original Designs section, and I’ve added a new design to the New and Now section. Basically, the design is that image above, with the caption “I’m not crazy. You’re just ordinary!” For this week, products with that design are in the discounted New and Now section. So get them before next week, and save!

Brassicae fati, Webmaster. Did you really just sound like an infomercial?

…Woops. Sorry, Fluffsters!

To make up for that, here’s an offsite link to a “pointer pointer.” Trust me, you need to visit this site. It’s pretty amusing.

Anywho, Happy Saturday! I hope you have a good one. (And congratulations to any of you who are getting married! I know of at least two who occasionally visit here. So, again, congratulations!)

Make a Room Messy in 7 Easy Steps

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Greetings, Fluffsters! Happy Friday! (Weekend, yes!)

First of all, I just wanted to remind you quickly that today’s the last day to get a “You Look Comfortable. Let me change that” with a penguin on it merchandise at the current price. I’ll be adding something new to the New and Now section tomorrow, and moving those to the normal priced part of the store. So you should check it out!

Second, today’s post!

I’ve been thinking. There are a few things that I am really good at-

Because that’s not arrogant…

-and I’m going to give instructions for how to do one of those things. Specifically

How to make a room messy in 7 easy steps.

…what?

Yup! One of my skills is making things messy. It comes naturally to me, and I’m good at it.

1) Pick a room. This is an important step. Don’t skimp on this step. If this is your first time messy-ing a room, go with a smaller room. You probably want only one clutter-y surface.

2) Measure the open space. You don’t have to actually measure with a measuring tape or anything like that. Measuring it by eye also works.

3) Guesstimate how many items you’ll need.

4) Add 4. That’s how many items you’ll probably end up using.

5) Start doing something that requires *something*. This could be reading, it could be using your computer, or anything. The easiest is to do a craft.

6) Do not put your supplies away. Instead, place it tastefully, even artfully, on your open surface.

7) Repeat steps 1-6. When you have what looks like enough items to qualify as a “mess”, repeat once more. Just for good measure.

And that, fluffsters, is one method to make a room messy. Have fun!

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

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Greetings, Fluffsters! It has been too long since I’ve written a post.

You could have written yesterday’s…

You got there first. Besides, I like to keep my changes subtle. Like the change I did to- oh, right. I shouldn’t be telling you.

Change? What change? Where?

Oh, nothing… Pretend I didn’t say anything.

What did you change?

You don’t honestly think I’m going to tell you, do you?

Gah! Excuse me, Fluffsters. I’m going to try to track down Fluffy’s change…

 

Huh, that was effective.

Now, while she’s off on her wild goose chase, I’m going to tell you a story.

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

Once, a long time ago, one the Phoenixem had recently been reborn from the flames. It was a young phoenix, and had only celebrated its rebirth five times previously.

Now, each phoenix gains time between its rebirths. In fact, it may go up to as many months without a rebirth as it has had rebirths. So a new phoenix would burn into a new egg within a month. A Second Generating phoenix could wait up to two months. Of course, if something happened to it, it would instantly go up in flames into another egg. But no phoenix could enjoy its current generation for longer. The memories would survive each birth, and the personality would remain the same.

This young phoenix, as mentioned previously, just celebrated its fifth rebirth. It had lived, therefore, for nearly ten months. That of course is very young for a phoenix.

Within two days after its rebirth, the young phoenix decided to explore.

On wings of flame, it shot towards the skies- a comet in the clouds. Everyone who saw it watched with delight. There were only a few of the Phoenixem in existence. To watch one fly was said to bring Luck- both good and bad, for all magics were attracted to the Phoenixem – but the observers cared not. The spectacular beauty outweighed any potential negative effects.

That very day, a single seed fell in the spot of the Phoenix’s rebirth. The magics in the area sparked it to life, and out of the ground grew a slim pineapple plant. The plant absorbed the magics of the Phoenix, and glowed with an inner beauty. Rumors of this pineapple flew on the winds. Soon all had heard of it. Rumors abounded. Some claimed it would bring the dead back to life. Others claimed it would spontaneously combust. Before long, a crowd gathered around the plant. Half wanted to pluck the fruit and taste it; the other half were ready to defend it.

Finally, someone thought of the phoenix.

“It is a portent!” the villager said. “The Phoenix flew overhead, and the tree appeared! The Phoenix has not forgotten us; it left this in its place, to attract the magics!”

The villager was, of course, wrong. The Phoenix was young, and so had not intentionally drawn anything near its nesting ground. But none of the other members of the mob knew this.

“We must let it stand!” another villager said. “Eventually, it will ripen and fall on its own. Once that happens, we will see what it brings!”

And the villagers agreed. Although many still desired to pick it, they realized the folly of harvesting magic prematurely. And so they let the plant stand, and posted an honor guard, night and day, to watch the plant.

This lasted for 76 days.

On the 77th day, the Phoenix returned to its roost.

It came again on wings of flame, and the guards scattered. Although the phoenixem are peaceful, they may unintentionally harm others, for their flame is fierce.

When the phoenix returned to its roost, it noticed the plant with surprise and delight. It compared itself to the plant, and saw the inner glow. Slowly, the phoenix crept closer to the plant, still very curious.

It tilted its head around, to examine the plant better. It then finally understood. Despite the fact that it was glowing, the fruit was a pineapple!

A phoenix with its head nearly upside down

The phoenix tilted its head. It finally recognized the pineapple!

In the phoenix’s time abroad, it had come across the exquisite fruit multiple times before. It had developed quite the taste for them.

Without thinking about it further, the phoenix clawed the fruit open, and took a bite.

Delicious. The fruit was hot, sweet, and everything the phoenix looked for in a pineapple.

As soon as it removed he last vestiges of the fruit from the plant, to the phoenix’s surprise, the tree spontaneously combusted. In its place, a new seedling arose.

The phoenix smiled in delight, as only a bird can. The seed had gained some of the same magic of the Phoenixem! The fruit would regenerate!

And so the phoenix lived happily ever after with its fiery fruit.

The end.

Happy Tuesday, Fluffsters! Fare thee well, and I hope you have a marvelous day.

June 2

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Dear Fluffsters,

Did you know that on June 2, it rained? It also (probably) snowed. And maybe hailed, and thunderstormed, and was the sunniest, most disgusting day of the year so far. Probably not in the same place, though. Maybe not even in the same year.

But I digress.

June 2. 6/2 There’s got to be something specific about June 2… Fluffy? Any thoughts?

6/2, you say? Well, 6/2 = 3. No matter what base of mathematics you’re working in. After all, you need to get into a second digit to really play with bases. But I’m not sure how that relates to the date.

Ooh, I do! That means-

-Oh shoot. I shouldn’t have said that… Here we go.

-That that 6/2 = 3. Always. So June 2 equals 3. Which means that either June 2 is the third day of the year, the third day of the week, the third week of the month, or can simply be represented as the number “3”.

What? No! Ok. So what about September 3? Or December 4? Or even March 1? Those are 9/3=3, 12/4=3, and 3/1=3.

You know, you’re right. I hadn’t thought about that.

 

That must mean- that means-

I GOT IT!

They’re all THE SAME DAY!

I’m going to need to start recording things. Because if March 1 = June 2 = September 3 = December 4, that could have catastrophic influences!

…That haven’t happened yet? How do you figure?

…I’m working on that.

Anywho, happy Sunday! I hope you have a great week.