Tag Archives: conspiracy

The Greedo Conspiracy

Why Snacks Keep Disappearing- it’s a Conspiracy!

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Note: If this is your first time to TotalFluff, please visit this brief explanation. Thanks!

Fluffsters, we have… a problem.

Oh, not again.

I know, right? It’s like you can’t go even a minute without there being some sort of problem in the world!

The problems of your world are not what I was referring to…

You mean to tell me you’re not actually upset by the problems of the world? Isn’t that a bit selfish of you?

But I digress. I was talking about a PROBLEM I recently encountered.

You see, it has to do with snacks and snack foods. I recently received a package of white-chocolate-covered-pretzels. I opened them, and only had a few, and the next thin I knew, a majority of them had disappeared! I compared notes with a friend who likes goldfish, and she mentioned that she had a similar problem. So I started to think about how things disappear.

Recently, my friend and I have just had this problem with goldfish and pretzels. So we’ve discovered explanations.

The goldfish were fairly easy to understand. They clearly just swim away when you’re not paying attention.

…Clearly.

The pretzels were a little bit harder to figure out. But Fluffsters all, I’ve FOUND THE SOLUTION. They fall through their own holes, and get LOST.

THAT means that somewhere… THERE ARE A BAJILLION PRETZEL SNACKS FLOATING AROUND FOR THE CLAIMING!

…

…Anybody want to help me find this magical place?

Creeper Rainbow: Illustrated

Who thought of: Aloe?

Who on Earth even discovered the use of Aloe?

I mean, think about it. It’s a plant, where the main benefit comes from the inside of a leaf. It’s a weird looking plant, too. Sort of like a waxy fern. (Minus the leaves.) The inside of the leaves is what is useful, as I already said, but it tastes absolutely nasty. (Judging from the times I’ve accidentally not washed my hands thoroughly enough between putting aloe on my skin and eating an apple.)

According to some websites, some animals do eat aloe. But one bite with the aloe flavor, and any person should have preferred starvation to consuming any of that nastiness. In my opinion. Even if not, that still doesn’t answer the question. Who decided it was a good idea to smear the inside of plant-leaves on our skin? It doesn’t even smell nice!

My current hypothesis is that aloes are actually a space-plant, brought over by the aliens currently hiding in Area 51. Clearly they would have told ancient humans how to use the plant properly, and this is just further proof that rainbows are conspiring against us with the governments of the world to take away all the cookies. But what do you think, Fluffsters? How do you think we discovered the proper use of aloe?

Just when I think things are getting normal… If you don’t want to answer the Webmaster’s question, here’s a different one to answer: Why do you think the Webmaster always has to create new conspiracy theories?

Silver Linings

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Note: If this is your first time to TotalFluff, please visit this brief explanation. Thanks!

“Every cloud has a silver lining.” That’s some sort of common expression, right Fluffsters? And it’s supposed to be “happy cheery yay goodness sunshine and flowers!” in sentiment. Right?

Well I don’t get it. If every cloud has its silver lining, that is just scary.

Is this another of your “rainbows are out to get me” style conspiracies? If so, I’m leaving.

Is that a threat, or a promise?

Threat. You can’t get rid of me forever, you know. And who knows what mischief I could get up to? I might assassinate your 404 page, for example!

That… would be totally ironic.

But I digress. No, it’s not in the same exact style as the rainbows. I mean, in this instance I’m genuinely confused. Clouds with silver linings? And that’s a good thing?

I mean, there are two ways that that could happen.

1) The clouds have gaseous silver in them. If anyone came in contact with a cloud, then, they’d die. Painfully.

2) The clouds have genuine solid silver linings. In that case, the silver linings won’t stay up for very long. And instead, they’ll fall out of the sky. And probably hit some poor old granny on the head, and send her to the hospital! Or a child. Or a puppy. Any of those options would be horrible! Don’t you agree? I mean, isn’t it just a bit more than a bit disturbing?

…I thought you said this would be different from your rainbow post.

It is. For several reasons.

Oh no. You’re going to list reasons why this is different?

You asked! So here you go.

1) This is about clouds. Not rainbows. QED, it’s different from my rainbow post.

That does not count as a reaso-

2) This isn’t nearly as bad as a direct parallel would be. A direct parallel would be something like “the silver follows me everywhere I go.” Or “The NSA put the silver up there to amplify its abilities to spy on the American population.” No. This is genuine confusion, not paranoia.

So, wait. You admit that your fear of rainbows is paranoia?!

Hey, simply because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you!

…You got me there.

Yes!!

Anywho, happy Tuesday, Fluffsters! I hope your week has started well.