Category Archives: writing

It is a Dark and Stormy Post…

As I write this post, it is a dark and stormy night. The wind is howling in the leaves, and (Lord willing) I will NEVER AGAIN NEED TO EXIT THE CAFETERIA INTO A HAILSTORM. Seriously. That was an absolute nuisance. And I GOT ICE IN MY HAIR. And it melted before I got a chance to see it!

Wow…

Isn’t that a little dramatic for you, Webmaster?

I’ll blame it on the weather.

But anyways, that is a marvelous segue.

One of my favorite forms of procrastination is looking at amusing websites. One that I absolutely love visiting annually is the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Opening Sentence contest.

You admire people who can write badly? That explains so much!

Hush, Fluffy.

Anyways, the contest is in “honor” of Bulwer-Lytton, the infamous author who first published a book with an opening sentence that contained the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night”.

This is definitely one of my favorite re-read websites. The sentences are so delightfully badly written! And actually, some of them look like they’d be the start of some very amusing books.

If you’re bored, or looking for a laugh, I highly recommend checking out the winners.

Selections from the Ballad of Blood-Berringer

Hello, everyone!

As I’m sure you remember from yesterday, the Webmaster challenged me to write a blog post with more words than what she has been using the past several Daily Fluffs.

Because of this, I am going to share a little bit about my life back home. As I mentioned previously, I was a melodramatic actress, born and raised into a family of the finest actors and actresses in the world.

Actually, now that I stop to think about it, every sane person said so.

Really? I find that hard to believe.

No, it’s true! Any critic who said otherwise was quickly found to be insane. And they usually stopped writing shortly after that.
What? How did you arrange that?

Why do you expect me to know why they’d suddenly lose interest in writing? I know nothing worthy of a blog post!

But anyways.

Before I was sidetracked, I was talking a bit about my childhood. I was always raised on the classics, such as The Ballad of Blood-Berringer. Much to my surprise, this world doesn’t have any versions of it on the web! So today, my dear readers, you may count yourselves among the blessed! I am going to share some selections from The Ballad of Blood-Berringer, possibly one of the oldest stories from my world!

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The Ballad of Blood-Berringer

Blood-Berringer the Bold and Brave
Sought Fallidyne the Fair
Who’d been abducted by a knave
Who loved her golden hair.

How did he so abduct the maid?
Ah, that we’d like to know.
The story’s writ’ on scrolls of jade,
And that great tale we’ll show.

The Knave Ralfickger loved her hair
As mentioned previously,
And so made plans to woo her there
In that land by the sea.

This is where me and my family would usually come out onstage, and start acting out the parts that were to be read aloud. Needless to say, I usually played Fallidyne the Fair. It fit me.

Conceited much?

Very funny. Just because I’m already significantly above your word-count, and wouldn’t need to include more selections to win the challenge?

Anyways. I loved the tale. It goes on. My favorite part happens shortly after, when, oh, but I don’t want to ruin it for you…

So Ralfickger traversed the land
Until he found her lair,
And asked her father for her hand,
While at her hair he stared.

Wait, did you seriously just try to rhyme “lair” with stared

…Um, it’s a translation? Anyways, the part where I faint on stage is coming up. That’s Important Webmaster! I need to share it! Never mind things like rhymes!

Fine, do what you want. Your “daily fluff”, after all…

Thank you. You’re too generous. Now as I was quoting…

“I love Fallidyne’s hair so gold
Now let her be my wife!
If she’s not mine by morning cold
I promise endless strife!”

Fair Fallidyne knew she would die
If she were made his mate,
And so she on the floor did lie
For she had become faint.

“Oh please, just take my hair!” said she.
“For ‘tis not worth my life!”
“But ‘tis not fair when not with thee,
So I’ll take thee to wife!”

And with a mighty lunge or two
Ralfickger kidnapped her
And dashed out of the hall and through
The doors; ‘twas just a blur!

It goes on from there, and is definitely one of the most beloved tales back home. Anyone who says otherwise is plainly insane.

And then they quickly stop writing afterwards?

Of course not! They’re just plainly insane! Webmaster, you don’t honestly think that all insane people who dislike stories lose their love of writing, do you?

Honestly, it’s only the ones who don’t like our versions of the performances who decided it wasn’t worth writing anymore.

I… see. Well. Anywho. Moving on…

Of course.

Anyways, as I was saying, that was definitely one of the most popular stories back home. It’s a fantastic tale of abductions, knights, knaves, and more.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this section! I hope to eventually translate the entire thing into this language, and then upload it into this site. It will be glorious!

And anyone who says otherwise is plainly insane?

Exactly.

Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope you have a wonderful day.

Legends from the Past

I have decided. I need some genuine content, not just the mindless fluff the Webmaster has forced upon me. For this reason, I will tell you a legend from my world.

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Legends from the Past

Once upon a time in a land far away a family discovered The Secret: a contraption, hidden in the deep. None knew how to work the device.

S’Ranya, the 16 year old daughter of the patriarch, was at the time blessed with the Sight of Knowledge. Upon the mysterious contraption’s discovery, she Saw part of its hidden secrets and knowledge. What she Saw was enough. Over it she pronounced a prophecy, and swore her family to its secrecy and protection.

For the fulfillment of this task, S’Ranya also studied the art of chest making. Study, she did, and to this talent she devoted much time. She worked to perfect the skill, and created boxes and chests of magic, beauty, and history.

Treasure Chest

One of S’Ranya’s Treasure Chests

In time, the Sight of Knowledge left her, and she married him of whom she had dreamed while the Sight was yet upon her.

And later, when the time was right, she bore a girl. This child, it was found, also had the Sight. For this reason, S’Ranya told taught her of the Secret, and trained her in the art of Making. Her daughter too then made the chests of magic, history, and secrecy until that time when the Sight left her as well.

And so it continued. Mother taught Daughter, and the entire family guarded the device. So it continued for 700 years.

~*~

In the day S’Ranjella of the line of S’Ranya came into her heritage, the Knowledge of the Contraption was revealed unto her in an intensity never before experienced.

She knew, even before her Mother’s instructions, what the Secret was. Further she saw what its purpose was, and that the time of the fulfillment of the prophecy was at hand.

With the Sight of Knowledge to guide her, S’Ranjella unbound the magical chests of her heritage, and revealed the device to her family. With it, she also revealed the full prophecy, for the time was right.

prophetic scroll

The Prophecy of the Line of S’Ranya

Of the coming end of their world, she spoke, and of the way to preserve the World’s history, and their family. The Secret had revealed all this.

On this topic she explained and instructed further. For the past 700 years, the device had remained dormant. In but a few hours, fueled by the approach of impending doom, the contraption would activate. It was a portal to another world, or maybe many worlds. Once the portal was open, then, the Family would escape the Doom of the World.

When the portal opened, S’Ranjella instructed, the members of her entire family were to take a quantity of their heritage of boxes, the boxes of history, magic, and safety, and enter through the portal. The portal would transport them Somewhere, to a place away from their World. Once they reached their new Home, in the Worlds Beyond, the family was to place an Item into each of the chests. The Item must be from their new world, for that would tie their family, and their heritage of treasure chests, to their new homes.

Upon receipt of the item, S’Ranjella further instructed, each chest was to be hidden away.  In time, their families would integrate into society, and the location of the chests would be forgotten, and stored only in memory, lore, and maybe maps. With this, the Family would live, as would the heritage of History, Magic, and Beauty of their world. All this S’Ranjella revealed unto her family.

What she did not reveal was the individual fates of each member of her family or the chests. She had not told them that they would never see each other again, for the portal would transport them to different worlds; different universes, even.

Once there, her family would use their skills for a good purpose. The sword-smiths of her families would equip noble adventurers and the magicians would heal many. From each of them would come a hero who would be inevitably drawn towards the chests, filled with magic from both Worlds of the hero’s heritage. This magic and heritage would call to him or her, and would serve a need of some sort.

With great sorrow in their hearts, for the end of the World was coming, S’Ranjella’s family followed these instructions. They found the many chests of their heritage, and went through the portal, one set of immediate family members at a time.

Finally, at the end, S’Ranjella looked up at the sky from whence the Doom would come, and followed, last of all.

 ~*~

In a universe far away, a child played a computer game. The protagonist in the game came across a treasure chest, and received an item. The hero in the world paused for a split second, and admired the chest. It was a thing of beauty, and before founding it, the thing had seemed to call to the hero. The protagonist touched the box lightly, and paused to remember the legends of the Treasures, and of the travelers from beyond the stars. Rumor had it that they were related.

Even though unsure of the truth of the matter, the hero reflected, and thanked whoever had hidden the chests for their generous gifts.

Thank you for reading! I feel a lot better for having some genuine content, not just fluff and nonsense.

“Not just fluff and nonsense”? Fluffy, you’re talking about portals to another world, there’s no dialogue, and you call this not “fluff and nonsense”?

Of course. This is a legend from my world. How could it be fluff and nonsense?

You’re talking about portals to another world.

I really fail to see what your problem is. After all, you’re talking to me. I came through a portal from another world…

What, no response from the Webmaster? I guess I’ve won.

Wait, what? No! I’m just speechless. And just to clarify… Are you saying that all treasure chests in our computer games and video games came from one family?

I’m not actually saying anything of the sort. I’m only saying that according to legend, yes. After all, the family made the treasure boxes for over 700 years. They’ve got to have a lot of them at this point.

Well, I’m still not buying it. But I guess that according to rules of Political Correctness, I can’t actually say that your legends seem to be very… fluffy.

Good thing you didn’t say it, then. After all, we’d hate for me to change any of your recipes.

Ack! Don’t you dare!

Well, I guess that means goodbye for now, readers. I’m going to make sure Fluffy didn’t ruin any of my recipes…

Oh good. I hoped that would get rid of her.

And I should probably let you go. After all, unlike me, you don’t necessarily spend your entire life on this website.

So fare thee well, dear reader, until I next see you.