Category Archives: procrastinate

Name the Ducks!

Before we start the post, Hi! If this is your first time to TotalFluff, please visit this explanation of what’s going on. Thanks!

Ok, now that that’s over with…Hi! As you may recall, in yesterday’s post I posed a challenge for naming two photobombing duck ninjas. Today, I’m asking for your favorites!

When will I learn that the Webmaster’s serious whenever she plans on making things multiple parts?!

So anyways, here are the favorites:

1) Black Ninja, and Purple Ninja.
2) Pip & Squeak,
3) Muaha & Haha, for the purpose of “MUAHAHAHA” excuses,
4) Slartibart & Craig
and
5) Scout and Bandit

So, I’d like it if you would weigh in! I’d like to hear your thoughts.

(And it might not be too late to submit a name. If you come up with something absolutely perfect, please submit it. And readers, if you see a name in the comments that you think looks amazing, let me know!)

Happy Thursday!

**Update: Another set of names I like: Merry & Pippin.**

Problems with Photobombers


So, yesterday evening, I had an unfortunate problem. And, readers, I need your advice.

The weather was actually lovely, and so I decided to try to take some pictures.

How unfortunate.

What? No! That’s not the problem.

The problem was that there were these two that kept following me around and photobombing my pictures.

What is it with you and things following you around?

…At least it isn’t mold.

But anyways, as I was saying. They were seriously getting into every picture I took last night. Even a picture of my food! Like seriously. I was taking a picture of my dinner, and before I took the picture, they’d stolen some of my bread, and got into my picture.

Anyways, my question is this:

Two Ninja Duck Photobombers

My Two Photobombers

What are their names?

Your photobombers are ducks? Ninja, rubber ducks? And you’re asking for help naming them?

I know! Isn’t it horrible? I mean, just look at the photos they got into!

Two ninja ducks hiding behind a lamp post

For ninjas, they don’t actually hide very well.

Ninja Ducks photobombing a picture of a shrubbery

I see you lurking there, ninja ducks…

A ninja duck hanging upside down in the photo

Uh, hello there… HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THERE?!

The ducks even photobombed my picture of ninjas!

They even photobombed my picture of two ninjas I found!

Ninja Duck photobombs a sunset picture

Yes, ninja duck, that IS a nice picture of a sunset that YOU JUST PHOTOBOMBED!

The Ninja Ducks STOLE some bread, and ATE it in my PHOTO

HEY! MY DINNER!

So, as I was saying: What are their names? I’m honestly looking for suggestions. I feel like these ducks will show up in some stories at some point, but I don’t know what to call them!

So far, suggestions have been Pumpernickle & Harmonne, Scout & Bandit, Squeaky & Khanji, MSP & .NET (that was from a different computer programmer from the one that helped me previously, actually…), Black Ninja & Purple Ninja (The one in black is clearly Purple Ninja. And vice versa.) and Brutus & Caesar.

After I get enough suggestions, I’ll put your favorites into a new post, and ask for last reviews. So, leave a comment! Who knows, your proposed name might become their names!

I have a follower that’s waiting for me to discover it.

Rainbows. They’re really pretty. And slightly… creepy

Rainbows are creepy?!

Yes! The way that they follow you around, waiting for you to discover them?

WHAT are you talking about?

Rainbows! I’ve said that already!

Ok. And by Rainbows, do you mean creepy guys in hooded masks that sneak from bush to bush?

No! I mean the pretty things that are usually found in the sky, but sometimes on the ground. And are really pretty.

I was afraid you were going to say that. So tell me again, how the brassicae fati are rainbows creepy?

Well, you see, everyone sees a different rainbow. So if that’s the case, than everyone has their own unique rainbow, right?

If everyone has their own unique rainbow, that means that (in order for the rainbow to be found everywhere rainbows are found) the rainbow must follow you around. So that if ever the time arises, your rainbow pops out and says “Surprise! I’m your rainbow! I’ve gotten a little cosmetic surgery done, but do you still like me? I like you! I’ve been following you everywhere!

Rainbow is way too happy to see you

OMGZ YORE MY FAVORITEZ!

And people are normally all, like, “Aww, that’s so sweet little rainbow! I’m so happy you’re following me everywhere begging for my attention!” and they’re serious. I mean really. If a person did that, wouldn’t it be creepy? If a puppy does that, isn’t it annoying? But it’s a rainbow, so everyone’s okay with this! We have problems, people!

That is disturbing!

Thank you!

No, not that. You.

HOW DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!

I don’t know. It just… comes to me. And then keeps me up all night. You know?

Oh, Caffeine! I understand now.

Well, Webmaster, I’d recommend getting some sleep. You’ve shared enough disturbingness for one day.

What?

Oh, ok.

Well, Happy Tuesday, everyone! I hope your week’s going well. And steer clear of the rainbows. They may look innocent, but I’m sure that deep down, they’re just waiting for a chance to strangle somebody.

Different colors of light are waiting to strangle y-

Oh, nevermind.

Please, readers, remember. These views do not reflect my own. Rainbows are totally harmless, and quite pretty to look at. And if they are following me around, I’m fairly sure there’s nothing serious they can do.

That’s what they want you to think.

As I was saying, please, just have a good day, okay? You know, happy Tuesday! And all that good stuff. And again, please just try to ignore the webmaster. In fact, I’m seriously tempted to just delete this po-

DON’T YOU DARE!

Fine. I guess I won’t actually delete this post. Happy Tuesday.

Plot Devices and Vocabulary

Greetings, Readers! I hope you had a pleasant weekend.

As usual, I have been spending time trying to understand the culture on the other side of this website. I have recently started looking up plot devices used in your different sorts of fiction.

And that’s going to give you an insight into my culture?

Of course! If there’s something that’s often enough used in fiction to get its own article, then clearly your culture appreciates it. A lot of insight can be gained by looking at fiction.

And anyways, it’s giving me some ideas for if I get home, for things to add to our shows…

Oh? I think I’m afraid to ask…

Well, of course we’ve used a number of your devices in our shows, but never to such an extent. And more to the point, it’s the names your world comes up with, and the categorization! There’s a “MacGuffin“, for example.

A what?

A MacGuffin. You should check out the article; it’s a fantastic name for a device that I hadn’t even realized our family used so frequently! Now, when we compose plots, I would only need to say “And here’s where we add a MacGuffin”, and everyone will understand what I’m talking about!

Ah…

Seriously, Fluffy, you get excited about the most random things.

Like you don’t?

Ok, fair point.

But anyways. I highly recommend looking at that website. They have an extensive collection. I spent way too much time there!

Happy Monday, everyone! I hope you have a wonderfully fantastic week.

Thank Goodness it’s Friday!

I love Fridays. They are seriously the best day of the week.

Oh? What makes them so special? Does your world have special flowers that bloom on one day of the week?

Uh, not that I’m aware of… No, the big thing is that Friday Night starts the Weekend!

Oh, I wish every day could be Frid-

NO! STOP!!

…what was that about?

Don’t ever wish for things you don’t actually want.

…Don’t want? But I do want every day to be Fri-

No. You don’t. You haven’t thought this through.

Oh? And this is the voice of experience speaking?

Yes, actually.

What?

And why? Why is it a problem?

Fine. I guess I may as well tell you about the time my brother Fuzzy accidentally wished for every day to be Friday… Here, here’s a copy of the Story I used for the annual story competition. I’ve modified the days of the week to more accurately match your world’s.

Thank Goodness It’s Not Always Friday

A long time ago, a brother and sister were two young stage actors in a family of actors. Their names were Fuzzy and Fluffy McGiggles. Fluffy McGiggles was a stunning actress, slightly older than Fuzzy, and more experienced in the way of the stage.

Fuzzy always envied Fluffy for her age, for that meant she was able to play the lead rolls in their family’s stage productions. Fuzzy yearned for the day when he would finally be able to join his older sister, and the rest of the actors, on the stage.

Finally, on his seventh birthday, his family decided he was ready to start. He only took a bit part, but he was thrilled. Fuzzy memorized everything he was supposed to do, and overall did a great job as a supporting actor during rehearsals. After several months of rehearsals, the actors decided to let him actually perform in front of a paying audience.

Fuzzy’s first performance was on a Wednesday. He was a bit nervous. When he got out on stage, though, his nerves disappeared. There were about a dozen people in the audience. It was a small enough crowd that it felt exactly like practice.

Although Fuzzy did a decent job, it was not nearly as exciting as he hoped.

“Don’t worry,” Fluffy reassured him after he expressed his disappointment the next day, “Friday will be better. We get so many more people on Fridays.”

Fuzzy nodded, and prepared for the Thursday performance.

That performance went about the same as the Wednesday performance. Fuzzy did a great job, as did Fluffy McGiggles and the rest of the actors, but he still didn’t have the same experience he had been anticipating. But Fluffy once again reassured him that the next night, Friday, would go better.

Friday dawned bright and beautiful, and Fuzzy felt as though maybe his older sister’s reassurances would prove accurate. The day was so sunny,he thought it even felt magical. But unfortunately, throughout the course of the day he grew accustomed to that feeling.

As the evening came upon them, and the McGiggles prepared for the show, Fuzzy once again felt a special sense in the air. There was no better way to explain it. He just attributed it to the delight of “Friday”, and anticipation of the show. Even backstage, he could tell that the crowd was a lot larger than usual.

He felt more nervous than he had even the first night of the show, but followed the breathing recommendations his sister had given him. Those helped, and he was ready when it was his time to enter the scene.

He acted like he’d never acted before. Actually, he didn’t so much act as lived the part. He felt the surroundings of the scene he was imagining, and could practically see the imaginary world. Fluffy was right, he realized. Fridays was amazing.

After the show was done, while he was still living in the moment of the final applause, he whispered softly to himself, “I wish every day was Friday.”

“Done,” came a soft whisper from the air around him. He glanced around, attempting to find the source, but could not find it. He assumed he just imagined it, and proceeded to completely forget about it.

The next day dawned brightly and crisply, just like the previous day. He yawned, and rolled to go back to sleep. After all, it was a Saturday. Everyone, even Actors, got Saturdays off. And even though he loved the stage, he also loved his sleep.

But Fuzzy had only just rolled over when Fluffy came in and yanked his blanket off.

“Wake up, Fuzzy,” She laughed at him. “You can’t sleep in on a Friday!”

“Friday?” Fuzzy exclaimed with excitement as he sat up.

“Yes, Friday! I don’t know how it happened, but the King and the High Wizards have declared that today is again Friday. And even the Calendars agree! So we have another show to do!” Fluffy was bouncing with excitement. She loved performing on Fridays.

Fuzzy bounced out of bed right after that, ready to start practice and prep for the day.

The day went quite well. Everyone was delighted by the King and Calendars’ surprise proclamation. Everyone performed their work with great energy. After all, it was a Friday. Everyone loved Fridays.

And as had happened the night before, there was a huge crowd out in the audience for the McGiggles’ Stage Production.

It was another perfect Friday.

And then the next day, it was once again Friday.

Fuzzy and Fluffy were still excited, and things went well. Indeed, up through the twelfth Friday in a row, everything seemed to be going well. But on the Thirteenth Friday, everything started to noticeably change.

Although Fluffy and Fuzzy hadn’t noticed, the crowds in the audience had slowly been decreasing.

The citizens were still required to work every Friday. And unlike the actors, they could not sleep later the next morning to compensate for staying up too late the previous night. And so they started not coming.

The Thirteenth Friday was when it was readily apparent. Fluffy and Fuzzy looked at each other in confusion, but also exhaustion. Although they did not need to awaken with the sun, they too were feeling the weight of not having a day off.

And so it continued, for 48 days of Friday. Finally, on the 7th 7th Friday, Fuzzy had enough. That 49th Friday performance had truly drained him, to the point of once again throwing a wish to the wind. Fortunately for him, whatever magic had been in the air his for his first Friday performance was there in greater strength on the 49th Friday. When Fuzzy dully wished that he week would go back to normal, a strong voice boomed deep within the earth a single word: “Done.”

The actors and the dozen people in the audience looked around, trying to figure out the source of the interruption, but to no avail. The hidden force was centered around Fuzzy’s wish, and could not be found now that the wish had been accepted.

The next morning, the citizens of the city got up to go to work, only to find that the King had not decreed another Friday. The Calendars, and the Wizards in the city confirmed this decision. The week had returned to normal.

So, Webmaster, that is why I will try to stop you if you ever try to wish for a day, or a type of day, to repeat. It is one of the most miserable things to happen.

I guess I hadn’t considered that. Fridays are especially a good thing because of the day after them, aren’t they?

Yes. If Saturday’s didn’t exist, Fridays would be no different from any other day.

Hm. Well, even though I’m slightly creeped out, Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your Saturday tomorrow!

5 legends about the Dik Dik

I have recently come across a new favorite small animal: the Dik Dik.

You and everyone else on the internet…

I’m just trying to stay up to date on trends!

Anyways, I thought I’d list 5 of my favorite legends about Dik Diks.

Five Legends of Dik Diks, that May Be Composed on the Spot

  1. The Dik Dik is named for the sound its hoofs make when it walks. dik-dik dik-dik, dik-dik dik-dik… I don’t know if this is true or not. If it isn’t true, it should be!
  2. Dik Diks are leprechauns in disguise. I mean, look at them. Dik Diks are about 8 inches tall; leprechauns are about 8 inches tall. There’s the correlation. And as every student knows, correlation implies causation! So therefore, Dik Diks are Leprechauns. QED.
  3. Dik Diks can jump higher than an average house. This is due to their legs being stronger than they appear, and the fact that the average house doesn’t jump.
  4. Dik Diks are some of the last signs that fairies are real. After all, if they’re leprechauns in disguise, fairies clearly exist. Even if they are not leprechauns in disguise, those miniature animals must be used for something: Mounts for the Queen of Fairies! Therefore, fairies are clearly real.
  5. If you stare too long into a Dik Diks eyes, you get pulled into space. I mean, seriously. Have you seen pictures of their eyes? Those adorable little deep black eyes of absolute cuteness? They’re just calling for you to get lost in them. And to fall of the end of the world into space.

So, there you go! Happy Friday!

For the record, I don’t agree with any of that post. Except for the “happy Friday”, part. That I agree with. So, have a great weekend!

Book Review: DV136ZB Digital Video Camera Instructions

I came across an absolute gem today: An instruction manual for a video camera.

Sounds thrilling.

I know, right? It’s amazing what technology can do!

Anyways, what’s particularly interesting about this one, is how it’s written. Here’s the first sentence: “It is able to use the camera for a digital photo of maximum 3.1 mega pixels picture, and is able to shoot AVI short film.”

Also, “zoom” isn’t “zoom”. No. It’s “focusing function.”

Actually, here’s a list of some of my favorite bad-translation/grammar moments from this book: (All emphasis added)

  • “…The water, sand drop, dust, or salty component may damage the camera…”
  • To install the battery: “…put 3 pieces of AAA (7#) batteries in…”
  • For adjusting the (velcro) wrist belt length: “1) Pull the magic sticker on the wrist belt. 2) Pull the nylon strap stuck on the magic sticker. 3) Adjust the bending length of the wrist belt. 4) Fasten the nylon strap on the magic sticker. 5) Fold and nip tightly the magic sticker.”
  • And: “The camera LCD will display ‘Memory full’ if the memorizer is full.”

There was, of course, an abundance of generic “bad-grammar” throughout the entire instruction manual. But those were the highlights.

You really do idolize people who use bad grammar or write poorly, don’t you?

…I don’t think I can answer that one.

Anyways, do you want to know the sad part?

…Those weren’t the sad parts?

No. Heavens no.

The sad part is that the instruction manual was actually better designed than the camera itself.

Please. Tell me you’re joking.

Not even slightly. Fortunately, the camera itself was a freebie. But even so, the joke goes that we still paid too much for it. The instruction manual was totally worth it, though! I love “magic stickers”, don’t you?

Anyways, happy Thursday, everyone!

Cookie Etiquette

Cookie Etiquette is interesting.

…Cookie etiquette?

Yes. Proper etiquette for giving cookies.

You have official etiquette guides for giving cookies?

You don’t? We have an entire book on when to give cookies.

For example,with travelers. When you’re traveling, and going to be staying in somebody’s house, you bake the person cookies. If you’re there for two nights or less, you bake exactly a half-dozen cookies. More nights than that, and you bake a dozen.

Now, the fun comes from when you are having a guest over. It is not explicitly written in the etiquette book, but it’s assumed, that you will bake either a half-dozen or a dozen cookies for your guest, in order to make them feel welcome. It’s “optional”, though. Of course.

You know, we do end up doing stuff very much like that…

Yes. But as I was saying, that’s where the fun comes in. After all, you want to potentially outshine your guest in terms of cooking abilities.

So frequently, visiting somebody else turns into a “bake-off.” The host usually “wins,” though; it’s really hard to beat fresh cookies.

Hm. I guess that makes sense.

Yup. It gets to be really interesting when both the guest and the host are trying to cut back on cookie-consumption. Etiquette still requires a full dozen cookies when you visit. And suggested etiquette (and competition) require at least matching your guest. But such things can be ignored when both of you end up not baking. So it’s quite interesting.

More often than not people end up baking. But not always. It’s a fun dynamic.

Huh, yes.

Well, Happy Sunday everyone! Do you have any interesting traveling traditions?

You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond? (2)

Hello, everybody! Welcome back to the top responses to being given an angry banana! We left off at four.

Oh. You were serious about making it two parts.

Of course! You were emphatic about my getting enough material. And since I had enough for two posts, I’m going to use it!

So, back to:

Top Ten Responses To: “You are given an Angry Banana. Now what?”

6. Use it as a boomerang. If you use a banana, that’s just sort of lame. If you use an angry banana, there’s a slim possibility that it will go out of its way to hit your target, because it’s angry. Or it might refuse to come back, because it’s angry. Which means that you wouldn’t need to worry about dealing with an angry banana. Or, it might refuse to hit the person you aimed at, and then come back and hit you in the face.

Ooh, that actually sounds fun…

8. Slap someone in the face. Slapping someone in the face is just silly. Slapping someone in the face with an angry banana? That brings it up to epic. “I slap you in the face with a banana. An ANGRY banana. BWAHAHA!”
9. A-peel to its better nature. I don’t actually know how to respond to this one…
10. Pacify it with an amiable grapefruit. Maybe the banana’s angry because it’s lonely! If you give it a friend, and a friendly friend, I bet it would get much more cheerful. After all, wouldn’t you be happier with an amiable grapefruit buddy?

So there you go, folks! Ten uses for an Angry Banana.

Wait a second… I think you mean 9.

What?

I saw what you did there. You changed the last 7 to 8. Instead of 9.

Ok… So I may have been slightly off on how many best responses I have… So fine, real ten: Do a close up portrait of its expression.

Angry Banana Eyes

Angry Banana’s Angry

Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you have a great weekend.

Here, Have an Angry Banana.

I can’t think of anything I can write about fairly quickly, so here’s a picture of an angry banana.

Angry Banana

The banana’s ANGRY!!!

Well, there you go! Happy-

No. You are NOT calling this an adequate fluff.

Wha?

This is way too short. Go out there, and find more content.

Even though you likely won’t like what I come up with?

Hey, you wrote the post. And if you don’t get the wordcount up to at least 200, I’m writing the post.

…Fine. Just give me a few minutes.

Bwahaha! Some way of possibly getting to post again! Hmm, now what will I write about when the Webmaster fails? Ancient Spring traditions of my home? Magic rituals…? Oh, the possibili-

I’m back, and I have content!

If you don’t write it, it didn’t happen.

Well, you’re in luck, because without further ado:

The Top Ten Responses to “You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond?” (Part 1)

  1. Eat it. This seems obvious. After all, if you eat it, it will no longer be angry.
  2. Study it. Why is the banana angry? Were its parents mean to it as a child? Is it suffering from disillusionment about the egocentricity of the political atmosphere of the current world?
  3. Plant it in the ground. Maybe it will sprout more. Then maybe you can have a whole army of angry bananas!
  4. Walk away slowly. After all, what might an angry banana come up with to do to you? You never can tell.

Oh, look! I’m at about 250 words. I guess I’ll make this a two-part post! Thank you Fluffy!

…Blast. I mean, you’re welcome.

Maybe some day there will be actual content on this blog again…

Well, happy Thursday, folks! Tune in tomorrow for the 2nd half of the The Top Ten Responses to “You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond?”