Category Archives: pointless

Sleeping as an Art: Who Cares?

I am extremely offended.

Oh?

Words cannot express how offended I am.

Is there any particular reason for it today?

Yes. Someone has persuaded people that sleeping is an art.

…And that’s offensive how, exactly?

It’s a human performance they’re considering art. And there’s no script. Or any talent. It’s not real ACTING!

Ah. So this is the actress in you being offended?

What do you mean, “The actress within me”? I am the actress within me!

Ah. Right.

So, are you more offended that someone’s actually doing this? Or just that she is actually well known on this world?

I am not going to dignify that with a response.

Anyways, Happy Monday! Have a good week.

Cookie Etiquette

Cookie Etiquette is interesting.

…Cookie etiquette?

Yes. Proper etiquette for giving cookies.

You have official etiquette guides for giving cookies?

You don’t? We have an entire book on when to give cookies.

For example,with travelers. When you’re traveling, and going to be staying in somebody’s house, you bake the person cookies. If you’re there for two nights or less, you bake exactly a half-dozen cookies. More nights than that, and you bake a dozen.

Now, the fun comes from when you are having a guest over. It is not explicitly written in the etiquette book, but it’s assumed, that you will bake either a half-dozen or a dozen cookies for your guest, in order to make them feel welcome. It’s “optional”, though. Of course.

You know, we do end up doing stuff very much like that…

Yes. But as I was saying, that’s where the fun comes in. After all, you want to potentially outshine your guest in terms of cooking abilities.

So frequently, visiting somebody else turns into a “bake-off.” The host usually “wins,” though; it’s really hard to beat fresh cookies.

Hm. I guess that makes sense.

Yup. It gets to be really interesting when both the guest and the host are trying to cut back on cookie-consumption. Etiquette still requires a full dozen cookies when you visit. And suggested etiquette (and competition) require at least matching your guest. But such things can be ignored when both of you end up not baking. So it’s quite interesting.

More often than not people end up baking. But not always. It’s a fun dynamic.

Huh, yes.

Well, Happy Sunday everyone! Do you have any interesting traveling traditions?

You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond? (2)

Hello, everybody! Welcome back to the top responses to being given an angry banana! We left off at four.

Oh. You were serious about making it two parts.

Of course! You were emphatic about my getting enough material. And since I had enough for two posts, I’m going to use it!

So, back to:

Top Ten Responses To: “You are given an Angry Banana. Now what?”

6. Use it as a boomerang. If you use a banana, that’s just sort of lame. If you use an angry banana, there’s a slim possibility that it will go out of its way to hit your target, because it’s angry. Or it might refuse to come back, because it’s angry. Which means that you wouldn’t need to worry about dealing with an angry banana. Or, it might refuse to hit the person you aimed at, and then come back and hit you in the face.

Ooh, that actually sounds fun…

8. Slap someone in the face. Slapping someone in the face is just silly. Slapping someone in the face with an angry banana? That brings it up to epic. “I slap you in the face with a banana. An ANGRY banana. BWAHAHA!”
9. A-peel to its better nature. I don’t actually know how to respond to this one…
10. Pacify it with an amiable grapefruit. Maybe the banana’s angry because it’s lonely! If you give it a friend, and a friendly friend, I bet it would get much more cheerful. After all, wouldn’t you be happier with an amiable grapefruit buddy?

So there you go, folks! Ten uses for an Angry Banana.

Wait a second… I think you mean 9.

What?

I saw what you did there. You changed the last 7 to 8. Instead of 9.

Ok… So I may have been slightly off on how many best responses I have… So fine, real ten: Do a close up portrait of its expression.

Angry Banana Eyes

Angry Banana’s Angry

Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you have a great weekend.

Here, Have an Angry Banana.

I can’t think of anything I can write about fairly quickly, so here’s a picture of an angry banana.

Angry Banana

The banana’s ANGRY!!!

Well, there you go! Happy-

No. You are NOT calling this an adequate fluff.

Wha?

This is way too short. Go out there, and find more content.

Even though you likely won’t like what I come up with?

Hey, you wrote the post. And if you don’t get the wordcount up to at least 200, I’m writing the post.

…Fine. Just give me a few minutes.

Bwahaha! Some way of possibly getting to post again! Hmm, now what will I write about when the Webmaster fails? Ancient Spring traditions of my home? Magic rituals…? Oh, the possibili-

I’m back, and I have content!

If you don’t write it, it didn’t happen.

Well, you’re in luck, because without further ado:

The Top Ten Responses to “You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond?” (Part 1)

  1. Eat it. This seems obvious. After all, if you eat it, it will no longer be angry.
  2. Study it. Why is the banana angry? Were its parents mean to it as a child? Is it suffering from disillusionment about the egocentricity of the political atmosphere of the current world?
  3. Plant it in the ground. Maybe it will sprout more. Then maybe you can have a whole army of angry bananas!
  4. Walk away slowly. After all, what might an angry banana come up with to do to you? You never can tell.

Oh, look! I’m at about 250 words. I guess I’ll make this a two-part post! Thank you Fluffy!

…Blast. I mean, you’re welcome.

Maybe some day there will be actual content on this blog again…

Well, happy Thursday, folks! Tune in tomorrow for the 2nd half of the The Top Ten Responses to “You are given an Angry Banana: How do you respond?”

The Webmaster is Tired

You know, I think I might be a bit tired this week…

Oh?

I’ve been sorta misreading words recently. Like, there was a time that the cafeteria was serving “warm cherry cobbler.” I read it as “warm cheesy cobbler.”

That sounds disgusting.

That’s what I thought. It took me a moment to discover that no, in fact, the cafeteria as not actually serving something that bizarre.

And then another misread: I misread “desist” as “dentist.” That also made no sense. You see, I was reading-

Wow, again?

Oh, shush. Yes. I was reading. And it was from a noble’s perspective. And he was saying something about people on a boat. (I don’t remember the details. As I said, I was a bit tired.) But next thing I knew, I saw something about a “dentist”. Except, of course, that it wasn’t.

…Ah.

Yeah. I think I was a bit tired. Possibly.

So, readers, do you have any sure indications that you’re tired?

Why One Should NOT Trust The Webmaster’s Food Tastes(1)

So, Webmaster….

Hm?

A while back, in your muffin flavored shrimp post, you said that you would explain why someone used “I’ve seen what kind of muffins you eat” as a bad thing…

…Oh. I’d hoped you’d forget about it…

It’s part of me. I can no more forget about it than you can forget about your spleen.

Spleen? What does that do?

…Nevermind. And that’s just changing the subject! You said you’d explain later…

Ok, fine. Well, I can certainly give an example.

Yesterday, I came across the most remarkable muffins. They were rainbow colored, presumably in honor of St. Patrick’s Day.

But not just rainbow colored. They were brightly rainbow technicolored.

Rainbow and chocolate muffins on a tray

They were surprisingly good!

…You actually tried one?

Of course!

They were actually sort of fruity flavored. It was surprisingly good.

Pink, green, and yello partially eaten muffin

Proof that the Webmaster ate one.

I think I understand where that respondent is coming from.

Ah well. I guess that means more for me, though!

Yes. You may definitely have mine…

So, readers, what sorts of odd muffins have you had?

Extreme Shepherding: Extreme Sports got Fluffier

Hello, everyone!

I just saw one of the best. things. ever. Seriously. You need to watch this:

Wow. I don’t know what to say…

I know! Amazing, right?

Actually, I was thinking more “and you judge me for liking Pad Thai videos?”

Hey! Sheep, at least, are fluffy. Pad Thai isn’t very.

Oh, fine. I guess that there is more visible fluff in shepherding.

Thank you.

So, readers, what did you think? Have you ever seen extreme shepherding before? Or a fluffy extreme sport of any sort?

Swords that I want…

Hello, everyone!

I’ve been visiting other websites, and I’ve found a number of things that make the actress in me insanely jealous.

This five-foot, very thick LED illuminated sword, for example. I am going through such sword envy, like you have no idea.

Suddenly I’m a bit nervous…

*evil grin*

Suddenly I’m really nervous.

As well you should be… I used to be quite the adept fighter in the shows.

These sword chopsticks also look nifty. If you were to sharpen them, those could be very easily become concealed weapons. Ooh, and then if you were to coat their tips in poison? Ooh! That would be SO DEADLY!

You know, I’m really glad that you’re somehow in the computer universe, and not in real life. Or at least not in my world

You’re really helpful, aren’t you?

Anyways, even if you didn’t poison or sharpen them, it would still just look awesome. I mean really. Having swords come out of your bowl of rice? How cool looking would that be?

Sketch of swords stuck into a bowl of rice

Who wouldn’t want to eat rice with mini swords?

Anyways, readers, are there any sorts of weapons (of the fake or real variety) that you think look awesome?

Avoid mistakes like this when writing a book.

So, I’m reading a book-

How wonderful!

Not funny, Fluffy.

Anyways, as I was saying, I’m reading a book about World War 2. The authors just wrote about why the relationship between Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin started to get very anxious. And then, at the beginning of a paragraph, the authors present this gem: “It is almost impossible to underestimate the importance of this moment in the history of the Alliance.” Yes. Underestimate.

Friends, if you ever write a book, make sure you don’t accidentally use the antonym of the word you meant. That can, like, totally undermine the meaning of what you’re trying to say.

So, just to clarify two things… a) the authors just said that nothing is less important than what they just wrote about…

Right. They clearly meant to say “overestimate”.

Second, you actually posted something almost useful?

Hey!

Anyways, have you come across any unintentionally hilarious books recently?

People would steal good money…

Hello, everyone! Happy Tuesday!

I hope that, despite the evils of the spring time-change, your week is going well.

Anyways, one of my friends and I were chatting at one point, and something she said stuck with me. “People steal good money for a mugshot.”

…What does that mean again?

Well, there are two ways to take it.

First, people would pay a lot of money to get a beautiful photo of a mug:

A picture of a mug with some steaming beverage

People steal good money for a mugshot. Not like this one.

Not like that one, of course. The only good thing about that one is the obvious existence of hot coffee in the mug. Or maybe hot chocolate. Either way, I hope nobody would steal good money for it.

Anyways, the other definition of a mugshot is a picture of people who’ve been arrested. For things like, you know, stealing.

Word play is moderately annoying, you know that?

Of course! Why do you think I do things like this?