Category Archives: pointless

I have a follower that’s waiting for me to discover it.

Rainbows. They’re really pretty. And slightly… creepy

Rainbows are creepy?!

Yes! The way that they follow you around, waiting for you to discover them?

WHAT are you talking about?

Rainbows! I’ve said that already!

Ok. And by Rainbows, do you mean creepy guys in hooded masks that sneak from bush to bush?

No! I mean the pretty things that are usually found in the sky, but sometimes on the ground. And are really pretty.

I was afraid you were going to say that. So tell me again, how the brassicae fati are rainbows creepy?

Well, you see, everyone sees a different rainbow. So if that’s the case, than everyone has their own unique rainbow, right?

If everyone has their own unique rainbow, that means that (in order for the rainbow to be found everywhere rainbows are found) the rainbow must follow you around. So that if ever the time arises, your rainbow pops out and says “Surprise! I’m your rainbow! I’ve gotten a little cosmetic surgery done, but do you still like me? I like you! I’ve been following you everywhere!

Rainbow is way too happy to see you

OMGZ YORE MY FAVORITEZ!

And people are normally all, like, “Aww, that’s so sweet little rainbow! I’m so happy you’re following me everywhere begging for my attention!” and they’re serious. I mean really. If a person did that, wouldn’t it be creepy? If a puppy does that, isn’t it annoying? But it’s a rainbow, so everyone’s okay with this! We have problems, people!

That is disturbing!

Thank you!

No, not that. You.

HOW DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!

I don’t know. It just… comes to me. And then keeps me up all night. You know?

Oh, Caffeine! I understand now.

Well, Webmaster, I’d recommend getting some sleep. You’ve shared enough disturbingness for one day.

What?

Oh, ok.

Well, Happy Tuesday, everyone! I hope your week’s going well. And steer clear of the rainbows. They may look innocent, but I’m sure that deep down, they’re just waiting for a chance to strangle somebody.

Different colors of light are waiting to strangle y-

Oh, nevermind.

Please, readers, remember. These views do not reflect my own. Rainbows are totally harmless, and quite pretty to look at. And if they are following me around, I’m fairly sure there’s nothing serious they can do.

That’s what they want you to think.

As I was saying, please, just have a good day, okay? You know, happy Tuesday! And all that good stuff. And again, please just try to ignore the webmaster. In fact, I’m seriously tempted to just delete this po-

DON’T YOU DARE!

Fine. I guess I won’t actually delete this post. Happy Tuesday.

Plot Devices and Vocabulary

Greetings, Readers! I hope you had a pleasant weekend.

As usual, I have been spending time trying to understand the culture on the other side of this website. I have recently started looking up plot devices used in your different sorts of fiction.

And that’s going to give you an insight into my culture?

Of course! If there’s something that’s often enough used in fiction to get its own article, then clearly your culture appreciates it. A lot of insight can be gained by looking at fiction.

And anyways, it’s giving me some ideas for if I get home, for things to add to our shows…

Oh? I think I’m afraid to ask…

Well, of course we’ve used a number of your devices in our shows, but never to such an extent. And more to the point, it’s the names your world comes up with, and the categorization! There’s a “MacGuffin“, for example.

A what?

A MacGuffin. You should check out the article; it’s a fantastic name for a device that I hadn’t even realized our family used so frequently! Now, when we compose plots, I would only need to say “And here’s where we add a MacGuffin”, and everyone will understand what I’m talking about!

Ah…

Seriously, Fluffy, you get excited about the most random things.

Like you don’t?

Ok, fair point.

But anyways. I highly recommend looking at that website. They have an extensive collection. I spent way too much time there!

Happy Monday, everyone! I hope you have a wonderfully fantastic week.

What’s Worse than a Cold McDonald’s Fry?

Hello, everyone!

And Happy Saturday! Man, after yesterday’s post, I’m suddenly appreciating being able to say that.

Anyways, I hope that your weekend is going well. I love good weekends! Although there are few things more disappointing that a weekend going badly. Especially when it looks like it should be a good weekend. That’s really sad.

Speaking of things going badly, I asked some random people about French Fries. But not just french fries.

You know, you really need to work on your transitions…

Yeah, whatever. It worked, didn’t it? At least until you sidetracked me.

Anyways, as I was saying, without further ado:

What Are Five Things Worse than Cold McDonald’s French Fries?

5) Cold Fries from a cafeteria. Those are often just gross anyways, so making them colder makes them on about the same level as McDonald’s French Fries.

4) Molding Potatoes. They apparently smell bad, too.

Seriously, what is up with you and moldy things?

Ok, so, first of all, that was a response to the question. From a real person. Who I asked. And Second, this time at least I’m not justifying the mold, ok?

But back to the list.

3) I’m not sure, but I think that muffin flavored shrimp are probably fairly bizarre.

I hadn’t even realized those were considered “food”.

Moving on…

2) Deep Fried Lizards. Apparently, according to this source, you can buy them in Shanghai. Another friend tried to make the case that it didn’t sound too bad.

I guess it might depend on the size of the lizard, and whether you’re supposed to eat the bones. But it still sounds like it would probably be worse than a cold McDonald’s Fry.

1) Chocolate covered cicadas. I don’t think I need to add anything to this.

But anyways, I hope you have a great rest of your weekend, free from any of these foods!

5 Things that should NEVER be fluffy

So I was thinking recently-

Good for you!

You know that gets old, right?

Not to me…

Anyways. As I was saying, I was thinking. I can’t think of a single thing that isn’t better when fluffier. Cake, for example. And whipped cream.

So I think I’ve determined that nothing wouldn’t be amiss with some fluff.

Oh, I’d like to challenge that assertion.

If you think you can…

Easily.

Without further ado, here are

Five Things that Should NEVER be Fluffy

1) The inside of a cup.

No, that’s wrong.

Please tell me you’re not actually going to defend moldy cups…

It depends on how you define “moldy” and “fluffy”.

If we’re talking about moldy cups, as in you’ve left something in your cup for too long, of course that’s yucky. But, what if it’s a fish bowl? And your pet algae eater needs the algae growing inside your cup to survive?

But that’s gross.

It’s still better to have that algae, though. Otherwise, you’ll have a dead fish in your cup. And that’s really gross. Unless it’s cooked, of course. Then it’s just weird.

But also, soap is fluffy. As is whipped cream. So having a fluffier cup is a good thing.

Hmpf.

If I may continue? thank you.

2) Ice. Especially when you’re ice skating. If that’s fluffy, it’s going to gunk up your skates. Also, the fluffy can then hide the ice, which is a problem.

Wait, the Webmaster isn’t going to interrupt me? Will wonders never cease?

No, it’s that you’re actually right. For once.

Ah, there she is.

But moving on.

3) Cheese. Cheese should never be fluffy. Soft is ok; fluffy is not.

You’re wrong again.

What is it with you and liking molding things?

Once again, it’s not (just) mold, and this time, it really isn’t just me!

Some spreadable cheeses are amazing. Garlic and herb spiced cheese, that goes on crackers, is so good. So is the cranberry orange. And the garden vegetable goes really well in some casseroles. But in terms of moldy, Blue Cheese is basically just a specific type of moldy cheese. A moldy cheese that people really like.

… People on your world make cheese mold on purpose? And deliberately eat it? And this isn’t for a prank candy day?

Correct on all counts.

Darangeblits. That is totally bizarre.

Will you at least grant that Cheddar should never be fluffy?

For right now, ok. You win this one. That’s 1.5 for 3. Ish.

Whatever.

4) Sandpaper. If Sandpaper is fluffy, that completely defeats the purpose. I can’t even imagine how sand paper would be fluffy. But I wager it wouldn’t work.

Fair enough. Unless you put the fluff on the back of the sandpaper, to make it easier to get rid of spare dust and stuff.

… You’re deliberately trying to infuriate me, aren’t you?

Anyways, 5) Teeth. Human teeth. While the person is still alive.

Are you going to try to defend that, webmaster?

Uh, no. I don’t think so.

Well there you go. Five things that shouldn’t be fluffy. Ever.

two-and-a-half.

FINE. Whatever. But you do acknowledge that there are some things that shouldn’t be fluffy?

Ok. For right now, I’ll accept that there appear to be some things that probably shouldn’t be fluffy. At least not all the time.

I guess I’ll take that for now.

Anyways, Happy Thursday!

An Infographic about Infographics!

Hello, everyone!

I have learned recently that Infographics are the way to go.

“Infographic”? And what way to go?

In reverse order, 1) I have no clue, and 2) here’s an infographic to help you with infographics:

An infographic about identifying infographics

An Infographic about Infographics? How Meta do you get?

I hope that helps!

Somehow, I’m not entirely sure if I believe your infographic…

Oh?

You equate 1000 words with an image. I don’t think that works in this case…

But the font is so pretty! How can you contest what the font says? Anyways, can’t you trust everything you find on the internet?

Anywho, happy Wednesday!

So, the miming didn’t last long…

Hello, everyone! Happy Tuesday!

I see your miming act didn’t last long…

…Hey! It was an April Fool’s Day Prank. It wasn’t serious!

Oh, that reminds me of another incident! This time with one of my friends.

My friend was sometimes a little hyperactive when we were younger. This lead her, at one point, to declare “I am now taking a vow of silence.”

After that I started to count out loud.

After I got to about three, she gave a very indignant exclamation.

To that, I replied, “Congratulations! Your vow of silence lasted a whole three seconds!”

She was indignant. (But slightly amused, I’m sure.)

Oh. Oh my. That totally sounds like something I’d do.

Count how long a friend’s vow of silence lasted? I’m surprised!

No, break a vow of silence in less than three seconds.

Oh. Right. I guess this post does demonstrate that.

Anyways, Happy Tuesday, folks! I hope you have a great one.

Major Changes

Greetings, readers!

I have an announcement to make.

At Total Fluff, Fluffy McGiggles and I have been realizing that there’s a problem: Too many words.

Because of this, we have decided to mime everything from now on.

Here is an example of what sorts of riveting posts you can expect from us in the future. (I, the Webmaster, am clearly Purple. Fluffy McGiggles is green. With envy, I’m sure.)

Hey!

What, breaking the miming already?

So, as I was saying, here is an example post:

The Webmaster & Fluffy McGiggles mime a post.

Happy Monday, everyone!
And happy April Fool’s Day!

I Can Finish ANY Never-ending Story.

That title looks like a story in and of itself. Are you going to elaborate?

No. I started a post and then gave up.

Of course I’m going to elaborate!

Oh. Right. Sorry!

… Apology accepted.

Anyways. There are hazards of being amongst the many Child Actors. And I’m not talking about being pulled through a vortex into an alternate universe. No, I’m referring to other Child Actors.

You see, as a playing group, we moved around a fair bit, and so we never really got to interact with others outside our acting group. That didn’t bother me.

What did bother me were the conventions.

Conventions? Like, things you do, even though you don’t know why??

Not that type of convention. No, I’m referring to large gatherings of actors, and their families. There were usually small ones about once a month that our group would go to. The large ones happened about every year.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy seeing other people, and spending time with other actors. The trouble, as I’ve mentioned before, is that the children are often forced into “children friendly” activity areas. With games. Stupid, pointless, monotonous, tedious games. Some were designed to “help us grow” and “improve group spirit and understanding”. Others were just designed to kill time while those in charge waited for our parents to come by and pick us up.

Fortunately, I am a decent enough actor to get out of most relays. All I needed to do was feign a cough or a cold, or fake vomit a few times, and the leaders would eventually decide it wasn’t worth it to make me play. After all, I am a melodramatic actress; I can turn anything into a production!

The one game I could practically never get out of, however, was the “Never-ending Story.” I don’t even see how it qualifies as a game! I mean, really. You all sit around in a circle. The leader presents the beginning of a story, and the next person in the circle is required to come up with the next sentence, to continue the story.

If we were all playwrights, that would be one thing. But no. We’re all children of actors; only some of us had been talented enough to actually be onstage, as I had. So some of the children couldn’t even add the proper flair to even a story.

But I digress.

Those “stories”, if you can call them that, were always horrid. They were never coherent, and I could never follow what was happening. (Maybe that was the point of the game! Make the plot so confusing, nobody else could follow!)

For the first several years, I tried to participate as they wished. After all, it’s a stretch of my creative and dramatic skills. But eventually, I just got fed up. When I was twelve, and we were next at the huge convention, I took my chance.

The story was as dismal as always. I was about the 20th person in. I have no clue what the story was about, but there were characters. That was all that I needed. When the story finally got to me, I figured out how I could save myself, and everyone else, from the misery of the story. I opened my mouth, and uttered the sentence, “And everybody died permanently, the end!”

With that, the story (at least in my own mind) was finished.

That actually worked?

Well, not quite. It would have, if we were following the rules. But instead, everybody protested that my comma actually marked the end of the sentence; the words “the end” were not actually contained in my portion.

Also, the rules say that you’re not permitted to go against what anyone else said. (One of the first rules of Improv, after all.) But even so, the person after me brought them back to life. Or unlife. Or something. I think that in your world, you’d refer to them as “undead.”

I mostly just stopped listening.

But still, after about the third time I was in a game and killed all the characters, the leaders eventually learned to let me not play.

I think that a number of people besides me were a bit disappointed, actually. That was never a very popular game.

But I digress again.

If you are, in fact, following the rules of the Never-Ending Story, that one sentence can end the story. And if, as I proposed earlier, the point of the game is to make a sentence impossible to follow, that sentence is guaranteed to win.

Happy Sunday, everyone! And happy Easter!

Oh, right! Happy Easter, everyone! I hope you have a blessed day.

5 legends about the Dik Dik

I have recently come across a new favorite small animal: the Dik Dik.

You and everyone else on the internet…

I’m just trying to stay up to date on trends!

Anyways, I thought I’d list 5 of my favorite legends about Dik Diks.

Five Legends of Dik Diks, that May Be Composed on the Spot

  1. The Dik Dik is named for the sound its hoofs make when it walks. dik-dik dik-dik, dik-dik dik-dik… I don’t know if this is true or not. If it isn’t true, it should be!
  2. Dik Diks are leprechauns in disguise. I mean, look at them. Dik Diks are about 8 inches tall; leprechauns are about 8 inches tall. There’s the correlation. And as every student knows, correlation implies causation! So therefore, Dik Diks are Leprechauns. QED.
  3. Dik Diks can jump higher than an average house. This is due to their legs being stronger than they appear, and the fact that the average house doesn’t jump.
  4. Dik Diks are some of the last signs that fairies are real. After all, if they’re leprechauns in disguise, fairies clearly exist. Even if they are not leprechauns in disguise, those miniature animals must be used for something: Mounts for the Queen of Fairies! Therefore, fairies are clearly real.
  5. If you stare too long into a Dik Diks eyes, you get pulled into space. I mean, seriously. Have you seen pictures of their eyes? Those adorable little deep black eyes of absolute cuteness? They’re just calling for you to get lost in them. And to fall of the end of the world into space.

So, there you go! Happy Friday!

For the record, I don’t agree with any of that post. Except for the “happy Friday”, part. That I agree with. So, have a great weekend!

Book Review: DV136ZB Digital Video Camera Instructions

I came across an absolute gem today: An instruction manual for a video camera.

Sounds thrilling.

I know, right? It’s amazing what technology can do!

Anyways, what’s particularly interesting about this one, is how it’s written. Here’s the first sentence: “It is able to use the camera for a digital photo of maximum 3.1 mega pixels picture, and is able to shoot AVI short film.”

Also, “zoom” isn’t “zoom”. No. It’s “focusing function.”

Actually, here’s a list of some of my favorite bad-translation/grammar moments from this book: (All emphasis added)

  • “…The water, sand drop, dust, or salty component may damage the camera…”
  • To install the battery: “…put 3 pieces of AAA (7#) batteries in…”
  • For adjusting the (velcro) wrist belt length: “1) Pull the magic sticker on the wrist belt. 2) Pull the nylon strap stuck on the magic sticker. 3) Adjust the bending length of the wrist belt. 4) Fasten the nylon strap on the magic sticker. 5) Fold and nip tightly the magic sticker.”
  • And: “The camera LCD will display ‘Memory full’ if the memorizer is full.”

There was, of course, an abundance of generic “bad-grammar” throughout the entire instruction manual. But those were the highlights.

You really do idolize people who use bad grammar or write poorly, don’t you?

…I don’t think I can answer that one.

Anyways, do you want to know the sad part?

…Those weren’t the sad parts?

No. Heavens no.

The sad part is that the instruction manual was actually better designed than the camera itself.

Please. Tell me you’re joking.

Not even slightly. Fortunately, the camera itself was a freebie. But even so, the joke goes that we still paid too much for it. The instruction manual was totally worth it, though! I love “magic stickers”, don’t you?

Anyways, happy Thursday, everyone!