Category Archives: pointless

Instant Fluff

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Hello, Fluffsters!

First, just a quicky reminder: I’ll be switching out products in the New and Now part of my cafepress store sometime between today and tomorrow night. (I’m not quite sure which; it’ll depend on evening activities and stuffs.) So if you want to get any “I’m not crazy; you’re just ordinary!” merchandise, now’s the time to do it!

But I digress.

Today’s topic is…

“Instant” Fluff.

Instant fluff, as I’m defining it, is fluff that you can get or make very quickly. As usual, there are multiple ways to do this.

1) Shred a napkin. Napkins are condensed fluff. Shredding mixes air in. So, voila! Instant fluff.

2) Buy marshmallow fluff. But that’s just cheating.

3) Tangle some yarn. If you mix it together, you basically get a ball of fluff. And who doesn’t like a ball of fluff? (Besides crafters, who are trying to use the yarn you’ve just tangled?)

4) Shave a bichon frise or poodle. As a reminder, those are two types of very fluffy dogs. If you shave them, the fluff comes off. So there you go, a whole lot of fluff, ready for your fluffification!

5) Read this blog. But of course, you’re already reading it. So you were probably looking for some other way to add fluff to your life. But that’s probably why I put this as the last on the list. It’s really almost not worth mentioning, is it?

So there you go! Five ways to “instantly” add fluff to your life. What other ways do you think you could add fluff?

Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

…What?

It’s June 13, right? That means that it’s Kitchen Klutzes of America Day! It’s also national juggling day, but I’m going to ignore that. (Although really, who thought of putting those two on the same day? I can’t tell whether that’s genius, or cruel.)

knew about the holidays. I’m just surprised that you found it before I could write the post! You seemed fairly oblivious to other holidays

Yeah, well, I didn’t know about it before last night. You see, I was sortof fishing for a post subject. And this looked like it would work!

So. Here’s the post!

How to Celebrate Kitchen Klutzes of America Day

Ok. So I’m sortof figuring this out as I go. I was previously unaware of such a holiday, and so I’ve never celebrated it before. So I’m going to propose ideas for celebrating it, and I want you, fluffsters, to tell me what you think!

From my perspective, there are two different broad ways to celebrate this holiday.

First, if you’re a klutz, take this as a day in celebration of yourself. Second, if you’re not clumsy, show some appreciation for the Kitchen Klutzes.

If you go with the second option, here are a few ideas!

Idea 1: Throw pots, pans, and plates on the ground and against some walls. Nothing says “Kitchen Klutz” like a big huge mess, right? And this way you get to make loud, obnoxious noises! Best of all worlds, right?

Idea 2: Spill every drink you get the first time. So you can get a refill and try not to spill. But the first set of every drink you get, spill it all over!

Idea 3: Make spaghetti for dinner. And maybe French Fries with ketchup and mustard. And chili. And basically anything that stains. And be sure to spill it on yourself. Show solidarity with other Kitchen Klutzes, and understand what they go through on a daily basis!

And now, for celebrating your life as a kitchen klutz.

Idea 1: Cook, and don’t worry about spills! This is your day, after all! If you spill, you’re celebrating!

Idea 2: Make someone else do your cooking. What better way to celebrate being a kitchen klutz than by not making a mess?

Idea 3: Go out for all your meals. Alright, so this is more of “Idea 2b”. But yes. Go out for ALL THE MEALS! You’re a bit clumsy, so take the day off! Don’t be clumsy in the kitchen for an entire day… by avoiding the kitchen! And nobody will think worse of you for it, because it’s your day.

So, Fluffsters, no matter which category is yours, I hope you celebrate “Kitchen Klutzes of America Day” with style.

Competitive texting, anyone?

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Hello, Fluffsters! I’m back! Sorry about storming out yesterday…

That’s ok. I did a better job than you would have.

Oh shush. It was my idea. So I get a lot of the credit. But that’s beside the point.

Ideas, actually, are my point. Because I’ve had… an idea.

That sounds really ominous.

Oh, it’s not that bad! It might cause a few casualties, but it’s not that bad.

A few casualties aren’t bad?

It really depends. You see, it might be really fun! After all, a number of people die from horseback riding. And yet nobody says that horseback riding is a bad thing.

But really, who came up with that anyways? “Hey, here’s a big animal that could crush me if it kicks me. Let’s jump on its back! And hope it doesn’t throw us off!”

But anywho. Here’s my idea:

Competitive Texting.

…what?

Yes. Texting. It’s something you can do with a handheld device called a cellph-

Yes. I know what texting is. How the brassicae fati do you plan on making it competitive?

I’m glad you asked!

Woops.

So here’s how it works:

So first, you’ll need to find a large plot of land. Any surface would work. Ooh, and you could have multiple types, and difficulties, and, oh. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?

Yeah. You totally lost me.

Oh. Sorry.

But as I was saying. Large plot of land. Right. And then you can have an obstacle course set up there! And you could have multiple sets of obstacle courses! One, for example, would be for walkers. Another could be for driving.

So here would be how you could do it, once you’ve set up the obstacle course. You would have a competition for texters.

Competition

The competition would be judged on multiple criteria:

1) Speed of completing the course. Or getting from point A to point B. You know, typical competition stuff.

2) How many words per minute are sent via text. After all, faster texters should definitely be rewarded.

3) Quality of text message. You want to make sure that the texts aren’t just “I I I I I” over and over again, or something equally ridiculous. That would be cheating! So maybe competitors would need to pass the Turing Test while competing? That might work. This should probably take precedence over wpm, actually.

Ooh, and the obstacles could get progressively harder! Like, first it would just be a few people you’d need to get around. (For the walking course, of course.) Then there could be things like fire hydrants, tables with awkward legs that stick out, and maybe uneven curbs. And for the extreme section, you could maybe get walls that people would need to either go around or jump over! This could be FUN!

Webmaster, you’re slightly scary. I just want you to know that.

But yeah! I really think this has potential. I mean, it’s one of the things that people in the Millennial Generation are really good at, right? And according to some politicians these days, we really need to get more people involved in being active. So this would achieve that goal.

So what do you think, Fluffsters? New Extreme Sport?

What are your ideas for an extreme sport? Or how would you improve this one? Leave a comment below with your ideas!

Things Worth Sharing

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Monday!

Today, I want to talk about some things that are worth sharing.

Please tell me your random pair of socks in your purse is not one of those things…

Of course not!

Oh, good.

Then they become the random pair of socks outside your purse. Which are, of course, shareable.

Why. Just, why?

Webmaster, that does not count as “shareable.” It just doesn’t.

Ok… What about a running commentary on what music is currently stuck in my head?

That probably depends. What music is stuck in your head right now?

A song from a Disney musicalish thing! Found only in the Florida pa-

No.

Your license to share your muic has been officially revoked.

Hm. How abou-

I’m going to guess that’s “no” as well.

Ok, smarty, fine! YOU write this list! Goodbye!

Alright, I will!

What, no response? Ok, well, here it goes.

3 Apparently Shareable Things (by modern standards.)

1) What you had for lunch. Especially if you take a picture of it. Google and Facebook have mentioned this to me, so I’m guessing it must be so. (I don’t quite get it, but I’m sure it makes more sense when you live in a tangible world.)

2) Jokes and bad puns. Yes, those two are sometimes (but not always) different. Both are definitely worth sharing, though. Although jokes about fields are just corny. And comments about laughing cows are too cheesy.

3) This website about some overused expressions in your world. The analysis was amusing.

Well, that’s enough for right now! I hope you have a good week!

 

Make a Room Messy in 7 Easy Steps

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Greetings, Fluffsters! Happy Friday! (Weekend, yes!)

First of all, I just wanted to remind you quickly that today’s the last day to get a “You Look Comfortable. Let me change that” with a penguin on it merchandise at the current price. I’ll be adding something new to the New and Now section tomorrow, and moving those to the normal priced part of the store. So you should check it out!

Second, today’s post!

I’ve been thinking. There are a few things that I am really good at-

Because that’s not arrogant…

-and I’m going to give instructions for how to do one of those things. Specifically

How to make a room messy in 7 easy steps.

…what?

Yup! One of my skills is making things messy. It comes naturally to me, and I’m good at it.

1) Pick a room. This is an important step. Don’t skimp on this step. If this is your first time messy-ing a room, go with a smaller room. You probably want only one clutter-y surface.

2) Measure the open space. You don’t have to actually measure with a measuring tape or anything like that. Measuring it by eye also works.

3) Guesstimate how many items you’ll need.

4) Add 4. That’s how many items you’ll probably end up using.

5) Start doing something that requires *something*. This could be reading, it could be using your computer, or anything. The easiest is to do a craft.

6) Do not put your supplies away. Instead, place it tastefully, even artfully, on your open surface.

7) Repeat steps 1-6. When you have what looks like enough items to qualify as a “mess”, repeat once more. Just for good measure.

And that, fluffsters, is one method to make a room messy. Have fun!

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

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Greetings, Fluffsters! It has been too long since I’ve written a post.

You could have written yesterday’s…

You got there first. Besides, I like to keep my changes subtle. Like the change I did to- oh, right. I shouldn’t be telling you.

Change? What change? Where?

Oh, nothing… Pretend I didn’t say anything.

What did you change?

You don’t honestly think I’m going to tell you, do you?

Gah! Excuse me, Fluffsters. I’m going to try to track down Fluffy’s change…

 

Huh, that was effective.

Now, while she’s off on her wild goose chase, I’m going to tell you a story.

The Phoenix and the Pineapple

Once, a long time ago, one the Phoenixem had recently been reborn from the flames. It was a young phoenix, and had only celebrated its rebirth five times previously.

Now, each phoenix gains time between its rebirths. In fact, it may go up to as many months without a rebirth as it has had rebirths. So a new phoenix would burn into a new egg within a month. A Second Generating phoenix could wait up to two months. Of course, if something happened to it, it would instantly go up in flames into another egg. But no phoenix could enjoy its current generation for longer. The memories would survive each birth, and the personality would remain the same.

This young phoenix, as mentioned previously, just celebrated its fifth rebirth. It had lived, therefore, for nearly ten months. That of course is very young for a phoenix.

Within two days after its rebirth, the young phoenix decided to explore.

On wings of flame, it shot towards the skies- a comet in the clouds. Everyone who saw it watched with delight. There were only a few of the Phoenixem in existence. To watch one fly was said to bring Luck- both good and bad, for all magics were attracted to the Phoenixem – but the observers cared not. The spectacular beauty outweighed any potential negative effects.

That very day, a single seed fell in the spot of the Phoenix’s rebirth. The magics in the area sparked it to life, and out of the ground grew a slim pineapple plant. The plant absorbed the magics of the Phoenix, and glowed with an inner beauty. Rumors of this pineapple flew on the winds. Soon all had heard of it. Rumors abounded. Some claimed it would bring the dead back to life. Others claimed it would spontaneously combust. Before long, a crowd gathered around the plant. Half wanted to pluck the fruit and taste it; the other half were ready to defend it.

Finally, someone thought of the phoenix.

“It is a portent!” the villager said. “The Phoenix flew overhead, and the tree appeared! The Phoenix has not forgotten us; it left this in its place, to attract the magics!”

The villager was, of course, wrong. The Phoenix was young, and so had not intentionally drawn anything near its nesting ground. But none of the other members of the mob knew this.

“We must let it stand!” another villager said. “Eventually, it will ripen and fall on its own. Once that happens, we will see what it brings!”

And the villagers agreed. Although many still desired to pick it, they realized the folly of harvesting magic prematurely. And so they let the plant stand, and posted an honor guard, night and day, to watch the plant.

This lasted for 76 days.

On the 77th day, the Phoenix returned to its roost.

It came again on wings of flame, and the guards scattered. Although the phoenixem are peaceful, they may unintentionally harm others, for their flame is fierce.

When the phoenix returned to its roost, it noticed the plant with surprise and delight. It compared itself to the plant, and saw the inner glow. Slowly, the phoenix crept closer to the plant, still very curious.

It tilted its head around, to examine the plant better. It then finally understood. Despite the fact that it was glowing, the fruit was a pineapple!

A phoenix with its head nearly upside down

The phoenix tilted its head. It finally recognized the pineapple!

In the phoenix’s time abroad, it had come across the exquisite fruit multiple times before. It had developed quite the taste for them.

Without thinking about it further, the phoenix clawed the fruit open, and took a bite.

Delicious. The fruit was hot, sweet, and everything the phoenix looked for in a pineapple.

As soon as it removed he last vestiges of the fruit from the plant, to the phoenix’s surprise, the tree spontaneously combusted. In its place, a new seedling arose.

The phoenix smiled in delight, as only a bird can. The seed had gained some of the same magic of the Phoenixem! The fruit would regenerate!

And so the phoenix lived happily ever after with its fiery fruit.

The end.

Happy Tuesday, Fluffsters! Fare thee well, and I hope you have a marvelous day.

June 2

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Dear Fluffsters,

Did you know that on June 2, it rained? It also (probably) snowed. And maybe hailed, and thunderstormed, and was the sunniest, most disgusting day of the year so far. Probably not in the same place, though. Maybe not even in the same year.

But I digress.

June 2. 6/2 There’s got to be something specific about June 2… Fluffy? Any thoughts?

6/2, you say? Well, 6/2 = 3. No matter what base of mathematics you’re working in. After all, you need to get into a second digit to really play with bases. But I’m not sure how that relates to the date.

Ooh, I do! That means-

-Oh shoot. I shouldn’t have said that… Here we go.

-That that 6/2 = 3. Always. So June 2 equals 3. Which means that either June 2 is the third day of the year, the third day of the week, the third week of the month, or can simply be represented as the number “3”.

What? No! Ok. So what about September 3? Or December 4? Or even March 1? Those are 9/3=3, 12/4=3, and 3/1=3.

You know, you’re right. I hadn’t thought about that.

 

That must mean- that means-

I GOT IT!

They’re all THE SAME DAY!

I’m going to need to start recording things. Because if March 1 = June 2 = September 3 = December 4, that could have catastrophic influences!

…That haven’t happened yet? How do you figure?

…I’m working on that.

Anywho, happy Sunday! I hope you have a great week.

You look comfortable. Let me change that.

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Hello, Fluffsters.

I can’t tell you how glad I am that the challenge thing is over!

Now I expect to do a few more of the posts, again. And maybe we’ll actually go back to decent, pure fluff content, not all of the “what is comfortable” stuff.

On a related note, after all of those “comfort” posts of the month, I think you look comfortable. Let me change that. Here’s a picture of a deranged penguin.

A slightly loopy looking penguin

I’m not sure this penguin’s entirely sane…

And I just realized, that might make a good t-shirt! Give me a moment… And another… and… HERE WE GO!

New and Now

For a limited time, t-shirts, and other miscellaneous items with that design, are on sale in my CafePress shop. (Found in the “New and Now” section.)

So, thoughts: Should I have one with just the penguin? How about just “You look comfortable. Let me change that.”? Should I try to do an owl instead?

Comments are welcome and appreciated!

Happy Saturday, Fluffsters!

Boring Things I’m Calling Comfortable (6/6): Finishing

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Hello, Fluffsters! With this post, I’m DONE WITH THIS CHALLENGE! BWAHAHAHA!

Because of that, I’m turning “finishing” into my boring thing I’m writing about as comforting.

The Comfort of Finishing

It’s seriously a comfort to be done with finishing stuff. Seriously. And this week, I’ve finished (or will have finished) a lot of things. I got a lot of paperwork turned in so that I’ll be making money this summer (yay!), I’m going to be finishing a class in literature, I’ve just finished a paper, and all sorts of other things.

Those are now no longer hanging over my head, and have freed me up to think of random questions! And other topics!

So, I do have a question. What would a bird bath for Phoenixes look like? Would it still be water? Or burning oil?

Also, if there are emergency defibrillators, are there normal defibrillators? And do defibrillators remove all deceptions, or just minor ones?

You lost me on that one.

Well, a fib is a small lie. So a deFIBrillator would be something that removes fibs, right? But what about larger lies? Does that require a heavier duty delierillator? (Would a Delyrerelator get rid of stringed musical instruments?)

Any thoughts, Fluffsters?

Anyways. I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Happy Friday!

Boring Things I’m Calling Comfortable (5/6): Breathing

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Thursday! Hooray, just one more “comfort” post after this one!

Today’s boring/comfortable topic is:

Why breathing is comfortable.

AKA, 5 important things about breathing.

The first reason is obvious.

1) If you don’t breathe, your lungs start a civil war. That’s right. Keep your lungs happy. Don’t start wars. Breathe.

Wait, wait, wait. WHAT?!

Empty lungs start civil wars. Within your body. The lungs and the brain have an epic show-down. Lungs say: “Yo, brain! Give us some air, or we kill you!” And Brain is like, “Yeah, maybe, but I dunno.” And Lungs are all like “Fine! I’ll KILL YOU!” And Brain is all like, “Wait, what? No need to actually get violent.” And Lungs say, “You have been warned! We have now DESTROYED SOME OXYGEN! If you don’t cooperate, YOU’LL BE NEXT!” And Brain says, “Ack! I didn’t mean it! Don’t give me Carbon Dioxide Poisoning! Here, you can breathe!” and that’s how the civil war ends. And if you’re not careful, the liver will get involved. And your spleen.

You know, I think that may have beat out even your Creeper Rainbow post…

Pft. You.

Anyways, this leads to:

1b) If you don’t breathe, you don’t live very long. This, in my mind, is a problem.

I think I’ll actually not argue with that one…

…Thanks. I’m glad you agree that not-dying is a good thing.

2) If you do breathe, your lungs are happy. And if your lungs are happy, they form alliances with your brain, and your happy hormones. And stuffs. So happy lungs = happy you. So breathe, and make your lungs happy!

3) Breathing is music. Breathing naturally has a rhythm to it (at least when you’re not paying attention to it.) Rhythm is an element of many forms of music. So breathing is clearly music. And since music has all sorts of comforting elements, it’s as though your lungs are calming the rest of your body. So your body might be saying “I want to DESTROY!!1one!” and your lungs are saying, “Ooh, listen to this pretty music.” So your body goes. “Oh. Whoops. No destroyingness today! We’re HAPPY!”

Seriously. Why. Do. I. Try.

Webmaster, what are you even thinking?!

Uh, “thinking?” Define this “thinking” you write of?

…You know, that actually explains a lot.

Anywho.

5) If you don’t breathe, your lungs and nose and mouth stop talking to each other. And you have no idea about resolving conflicts between those three! It’s an absolute nuisance. Breathing keeps them communicating with each other, which is comfortable.

So there you go, Fluffsters! Reasons why the boringness of breathing is actually comfortable.

And don’t forget, I’m really, genuinely looking for feedback on my new CafePress store! Please?