Monthly Archives: April 2013

Problems with Photobombers


So, yesterday evening, I had an unfortunate problem. And, readers, I need your advice.

The weather was actually lovely, and so I decided to try to take some pictures.

How unfortunate.

What? No! That’s not the problem.

The problem was that there were these two that kept following me around and photobombing my pictures.

What is it with you and things following you around?

…At least it isn’t mold.

But anyways, as I was saying. They were seriously getting into every picture I took last night. Even a picture of my food! Like seriously. I was taking a picture of my dinner, and before I took the picture, they’d stolen some of my bread, and got into my picture.

Anyways, my question is this:

Two Ninja Duck Photobombers

My Two Photobombers

What are their names?

Your photobombers are ducks? Ninja, rubber ducks? And you’re asking for help naming them?

I know! Isn’t it horrible? I mean, just look at the photos they got into!

Two ninja ducks hiding behind a lamp post

For ninjas, they don’t actually hide very well.

Ninja Ducks photobombing a picture of a shrubbery

I see you lurking there, ninja ducks…

A ninja duck hanging upside down in the photo

Uh, hello there… HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THERE?!

The ducks even photobombed my picture of ninjas!

They even photobombed my picture of two ninjas I found!

Ninja Duck photobombs a sunset picture

Yes, ninja duck, that IS a nice picture of a sunset that YOU JUST PHOTOBOMBED!

The Ninja Ducks STOLE some bread, and ATE it in my PHOTO

HEY! MY DINNER!

So, as I was saying: What are their names? I’m honestly looking for suggestions. I feel like these ducks will show up in some stories at some point, but I don’t know what to call them!

So far, suggestions have been Pumpernickle & Harmonne, Scout & Bandit, Squeaky & Khanji, MSP & .NET (that was from a different computer programmer from the one that helped me previously, actually…), Black Ninja & Purple Ninja (The one in black is clearly Purple Ninja. And vice versa.) and Brutus & Caesar.

After I get enough suggestions, I’ll put your favorites into a new post, and ask for last reviews. So, leave a comment! Who knows, your proposed name might become their names!

I have a follower that’s waiting for me to discover it.

Rainbows. They’re really pretty. And slightly… creepy

Rainbows are creepy?!

Yes! The way that they follow you around, waiting for you to discover them?

WHAT are you talking about?

Rainbows! I’ve said that already!

Ok. And by Rainbows, do you mean creepy guys in hooded masks that sneak from bush to bush?

No! I mean the pretty things that are usually found in the sky, but sometimes on the ground. And are really pretty.

I was afraid you were going to say that. So tell me again, how the brassicae fati are rainbows creepy?

Well, you see, everyone sees a different rainbow. So if that’s the case, than everyone has their own unique rainbow, right?

If everyone has their own unique rainbow, that means that (in order for the rainbow to be found everywhere rainbows are found) the rainbow must follow you around. So that if ever the time arises, your rainbow pops out and says “Surprise! I’m your rainbow! I’ve gotten a little cosmetic surgery done, but do you still like me? I like you! I’ve been following you everywhere!

Rainbow is way too happy to see you

OMGZ YORE MY FAVORITEZ!

And people are normally all, like, “Aww, that’s so sweet little rainbow! I’m so happy you’re following me everywhere begging for my attention!” and they’re serious. I mean really. If a person did that, wouldn’t it be creepy? If a puppy does that, isn’t it annoying? But it’s a rainbow, so everyone’s okay with this! We have problems, people!

That is disturbing!

Thank you!

No, not that. You.

HOW DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!

I don’t know. It just… comes to me. And then keeps me up all night. You know?

Oh, Caffeine! I understand now.

Well, Webmaster, I’d recommend getting some sleep. You’ve shared enough disturbingness for one day.

What?

Oh, ok.

Well, Happy Tuesday, everyone! I hope your week’s going well. And steer clear of the rainbows. They may look innocent, but I’m sure that deep down, they’re just waiting for a chance to strangle somebody.

Different colors of light are waiting to strangle y-

Oh, nevermind.

Please, readers, remember. These views do not reflect my own. Rainbows are totally harmless, and quite pretty to look at. And if they are following me around, I’m fairly sure there’s nothing serious they can do.

That’s what they want you to think.

As I was saying, please, just have a good day, okay? You know, happy Tuesday! And all that good stuff. And again, please just try to ignore the webmaster. In fact, I’m seriously tempted to just delete this po-

DON’T YOU DARE!

Fine. I guess I won’t actually delete this post. Happy Tuesday.

Plot Devices and Vocabulary

Greetings, Readers! I hope you had a pleasant weekend.

As usual, I have been spending time trying to understand the culture on the other side of this website. I have recently started looking up plot devices used in your different sorts of fiction.

And that’s going to give you an insight into my culture?

Of course! If there’s something that’s often enough used in fiction to get its own article, then clearly your culture appreciates it. A lot of insight can be gained by looking at fiction.

And anyways, it’s giving me some ideas for if I get home, for things to add to our shows…

Oh? I think I’m afraid to ask…

Well, of course we’ve used a number of your devices in our shows, but never to such an extent. And more to the point, it’s the names your world comes up with, and the categorization! There’s a “MacGuffin“, for example.

A what?

A MacGuffin. You should check out the article; it’s a fantastic name for a device that I hadn’t even realized our family used so frequently! Now, when we compose plots, I would only need to say “And here’s where we add a MacGuffin”, and everyone will understand what I’m talking about!

Ah…

Seriously, Fluffy, you get excited about the most random things.

Like you don’t?

Ok, fair point.

But anyways. I highly recommend looking at that website. They have an extensive collection. I spent way too much time there!

Happy Monday, everyone! I hope you have a wonderfully fantastic week.

Spring is Here! (Mostly)

Hello, everyone! Happy Sunday!

Where I am, the weather outside is absolutely gorgeous. Right now, it’s about mid-50s, and we actually have a bit of SUN!

You seem surprised about the sun…

Well, yeah. It’s not quite usual. Two of the jokes about the weather where I am are:

1) Drive north from (City A) for an hour, then take a right. When you reach the rain, you’re there.

2) Yeah, we get 300 days of sun! Over the course of a decade…

So I’m very happy to see the sunlight. It’s pretty. And bright. And sunny.

The sunlight’s sunny? You don’t say…

But I do!

In fact, it seems like spring. And spring always brings to mind one of the earliest poems my mother ever taught me…

Oh, no. Not more poetry…

Yup! I have no clue who it’s by, but here it is:

Spring

Spring has sprung,
The grass is ris.
I wonder where
the birdies is?

And this was one of the first “poems” you memorized?

Yup.

That explains a lot…

Oh?

Yes. Like your bee thing, and how you could possibly even consider calling it poetry.

Hmpf.

Anyways, happy Sunday!

What’s Worse than a Cold McDonald’s Fry?

Hello, everyone!

And Happy Saturday! Man, after yesterday’s post, I’m suddenly appreciating being able to say that.

Anyways, I hope that your weekend is going well. I love good weekends! Although there are few things more disappointing that a weekend going badly. Especially when it looks like it should be a good weekend. That’s really sad.

Speaking of things going badly, I asked some random people about French Fries. But not just french fries.

You know, you really need to work on your transitions…

Yeah, whatever. It worked, didn’t it? At least until you sidetracked me.

Anyways, as I was saying, without further ado:

What Are Five Things Worse than Cold McDonald’s French Fries?

5) Cold Fries from a cafeteria. Those are often just gross anyways, so making them colder makes them on about the same level as McDonald’s French Fries.

4) Molding Potatoes. They apparently smell bad, too.

Seriously, what is up with you and moldy things?

Ok, so, first of all, that was a response to the question. From a real person. Who I asked. And Second, this time at least I’m not justifying the mold, ok?

But back to the list.

3) I’m not sure, but I think that muffin flavored shrimp are probably fairly bizarre.

I hadn’t even realized those were considered “food”.

Moving on…

2) Deep Fried Lizards. Apparently, according to this source, you can buy them in Shanghai. Another friend tried to make the case that it didn’t sound too bad.

I guess it might depend on the size of the lizard, and whether you’re supposed to eat the bones. But it still sounds like it would probably be worse than a cold McDonald’s Fry.

1) Chocolate covered cicadas. I don’t think I need to add anything to this.

But anyways, I hope you have a great rest of your weekend, free from any of these foods!

Thank Goodness it’s Friday!

I love Fridays. They are seriously the best day of the week.

Oh? What makes them so special? Does your world have special flowers that bloom on one day of the week?

Uh, not that I’m aware of… No, the big thing is that Friday Night starts the Weekend!

Oh, I wish every day could be Frid-

NO! STOP!!

…what was that about?

Don’t ever wish for things you don’t actually want.

…Don’t want? But I do want every day to be Fri-

No. You don’t. You haven’t thought this through.

Oh? And this is the voice of experience speaking?

Yes, actually.

What?

And why? Why is it a problem?

Fine. I guess I may as well tell you about the time my brother Fuzzy accidentally wished for every day to be Friday… Here, here’s a copy of the Story I used for the annual story competition. I’ve modified the days of the week to more accurately match your world’s.

Thank Goodness It’s Not Always Friday

A long time ago, a brother and sister were two young stage actors in a family of actors. Their names were Fuzzy and Fluffy McGiggles. Fluffy McGiggles was a stunning actress, slightly older than Fuzzy, and more experienced in the way of the stage.

Fuzzy always envied Fluffy for her age, for that meant she was able to play the lead rolls in their family’s stage productions. Fuzzy yearned for the day when he would finally be able to join his older sister, and the rest of the actors, on the stage.

Finally, on his seventh birthday, his family decided he was ready to start. He only took a bit part, but he was thrilled. Fuzzy memorized everything he was supposed to do, and overall did a great job as a supporting actor during rehearsals. After several months of rehearsals, the actors decided to let him actually perform in front of a paying audience.

Fuzzy’s first performance was on a Wednesday. He was a bit nervous. When he got out on stage, though, his nerves disappeared. There were about a dozen people in the audience. It was a small enough crowd that it felt exactly like practice.

Although Fuzzy did a decent job, it was not nearly as exciting as he hoped.

“Don’t worry,” Fluffy reassured him after he expressed his disappointment the next day, “Friday will be better. We get so many more people on Fridays.”

Fuzzy nodded, and prepared for the Thursday performance.

That performance went about the same as the Wednesday performance. Fuzzy did a great job, as did Fluffy McGiggles and the rest of the actors, but he still didn’t have the same experience he had been anticipating. But Fluffy once again reassured him that the next night, Friday, would go better.

Friday dawned bright and beautiful, and Fuzzy felt as though maybe his older sister’s reassurances would prove accurate. The day was so sunny,he thought it even felt magical. But unfortunately, throughout the course of the day he grew accustomed to that feeling.

As the evening came upon them, and the McGiggles prepared for the show, Fuzzy once again felt a special sense in the air. There was no better way to explain it. He just attributed it to the delight of “Friday”, and anticipation of the show. Even backstage, he could tell that the crowd was a lot larger than usual.

He felt more nervous than he had even the first night of the show, but followed the breathing recommendations his sister had given him. Those helped, and he was ready when it was his time to enter the scene.

He acted like he’d never acted before. Actually, he didn’t so much act as lived the part. He felt the surroundings of the scene he was imagining, and could practically see the imaginary world. Fluffy was right, he realized. Fridays was amazing.

After the show was done, while he was still living in the moment of the final applause, he whispered softly to himself, “I wish every day was Friday.”

“Done,” came a soft whisper from the air around him. He glanced around, attempting to find the source, but could not find it. He assumed he just imagined it, and proceeded to completely forget about it.

The next day dawned brightly and crisply, just like the previous day. He yawned, and rolled to go back to sleep. After all, it was a Saturday. Everyone, even Actors, got Saturdays off. And even though he loved the stage, he also loved his sleep.

But Fuzzy had only just rolled over when Fluffy came in and yanked his blanket off.

“Wake up, Fuzzy,” She laughed at him. “You can’t sleep in on a Friday!”

“Friday?” Fuzzy exclaimed with excitement as he sat up.

“Yes, Friday! I don’t know how it happened, but the King and the High Wizards have declared that today is again Friday. And even the Calendars agree! So we have another show to do!” Fluffy was bouncing with excitement. She loved performing on Fridays.

Fuzzy bounced out of bed right after that, ready to start practice and prep for the day.

The day went quite well. Everyone was delighted by the King and Calendars’ surprise proclamation. Everyone performed their work with great energy. After all, it was a Friday. Everyone loved Fridays.

And as had happened the night before, there was a huge crowd out in the audience for the McGiggles’ Stage Production.

It was another perfect Friday.

And then the next day, it was once again Friday.

Fuzzy and Fluffy were still excited, and things went well. Indeed, up through the twelfth Friday in a row, everything seemed to be going well. But on the Thirteenth Friday, everything started to noticeably change.

Although Fluffy and Fuzzy hadn’t noticed, the crowds in the audience had slowly been decreasing.

The citizens were still required to work every Friday. And unlike the actors, they could not sleep later the next morning to compensate for staying up too late the previous night. And so they started not coming.

The Thirteenth Friday was when it was readily apparent. Fluffy and Fuzzy looked at each other in confusion, but also exhaustion. Although they did not need to awaken with the sun, they too were feeling the weight of not having a day off.

And so it continued, for 48 days of Friday. Finally, on the 7th 7th Friday, Fuzzy had enough. That 49th Friday performance had truly drained him, to the point of once again throwing a wish to the wind. Fortunately for him, whatever magic had been in the air his for his first Friday performance was there in greater strength on the 49th Friday. When Fuzzy dully wished that he week would go back to normal, a strong voice boomed deep within the earth a single word: “Done.”

The actors and the dozen people in the audience looked around, trying to figure out the source of the interruption, but to no avail. The hidden force was centered around Fuzzy’s wish, and could not be found now that the wish had been accepted.

The next morning, the citizens of the city got up to go to work, only to find that the King had not decreed another Friday. The Calendars, and the Wizards in the city confirmed this decision. The week had returned to normal.

So, Webmaster, that is why I will try to stop you if you ever try to wish for a day, or a type of day, to repeat. It is one of the most miserable things to happen.

I guess I hadn’t considered that. Fridays are especially a good thing because of the day after them, aren’t they?

Yes. If Saturday’s didn’t exist, Fridays would be no different from any other day.

Hm. Well, even though I’m slightly creeped out, Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your Saturday tomorrow!

5 Things that should NEVER be fluffy

So I was thinking recently-

Good for you!

You know that gets old, right?

Not to me…

Anyways. As I was saying, I was thinking. I can’t think of a single thing that isn’t better when fluffier. Cake, for example. And whipped cream.

So I think I’ve determined that nothing wouldn’t be amiss with some fluff.

Oh, I’d like to challenge that assertion.

If you think you can…

Easily.

Without further ado, here are

Five Things that Should NEVER be Fluffy

1) The inside of a cup.

No, that’s wrong.

Please tell me you’re not actually going to defend moldy cups…

It depends on how you define “moldy” and “fluffy”.

If we’re talking about moldy cups, as in you’ve left something in your cup for too long, of course that’s yucky. But, what if it’s a fish bowl? And your pet algae eater needs the algae growing inside your cup to survive?

But that’s gross.

It’s still better to have that algae, though. Otherwise, you’ll have a dead fish in your cup. And that’s really gross. Unless it’s cooked, of course. Then it’s just weird.

But also, soap is fluffy. As is whipped cream. So having a fluffier cup is a good thing.

Hmpf.

If I may continue? thank you.

2) Ice. Especially when you’re ice skating. If that’s fluffy, it’s going to gunk up your skates. Also, the fluffy can then hide the ice, which is a problem.

Wait, the Webmaster isn’t going to interrupt me? Will wonders never cease?

No, it’s that you’re actually right. For once.

Ah, there she is.

But moving on.

3) Cheese. Cheese should never be fluffy. Soft is ok; fluffy is not.

You’re wrong again.

What is it with you and liking molding things?

Once again, it’s not (just) mold, and this time, it really isn’t just me!

Some spreadable cheeses are amazing. Garlic and herb spiced cheese, that goes on crackers, is so good. So is the cranberry orange. And the garden vegetable goes really well in some casseroles. But in terms of moldy, Blue Cheese is basically just a specific type of moldy cheese. A moldy cheese that people really like.

… People on your world make cheese mold on purpose? And deliberately eat it? And this isn’t for a prank candy day?

Correct on all counts.

Darangeblits. That is totally bizarre.

Will you at least grant that Cheddar should never be fluffy?

For right now, ok. You win this one. That’s 1.5 for 3. Ish.

Whatever.

4) Sandpaper. If Sandpaper is fluffy, that completely defeats the purpose. I can’t even imagine how sand paper would be fluffy. But I wager it wouldn’t work.

Fair enough. Unless you put the fluff on the back of the sandpaper, to make it easier to get rid of spare dust and stuff.

… You’re deliberately trying to infuriate me, aren’t you?

Anyways, 5) Teeth. Human teeth. While the person is still alive.

Are you going to try to defend that, webmaster?

Uh, no. I don’t think so.

Well there you go. Five things that shouldn’t be fluffy. Ever.

two-and-a-half.

FINE. Whatever. But you do acknowledge that there are some things that shouldn’t be fluffy?

Ok. For right now, I’ll accept that there appear to be some things that probably shouldn’t be fluffy. At least not all the time.

I guess I’ll take that for now.

Anyways, Happy Thursday!

An Infographic about Infographics!

Hello, everyone!

I have learned recently that Infographics are the way to go.

“Infographic”? And what way to go?

In reverse order, 1) I have no clue, and 2) here’s an infographic to help you with infographics:

An infographic about identifying infographics

An Infographic about Infographics? How Meta do you get?

I hope that helps!

Somehow, I’m not entirely sure if I believe your infographic…

Oh?

You equate 1000 words with an image. I don’t think that works in this case…

But the font is so pretty! How can you contest what the font says? Anyways, can’t you trust everything you find on the internet?

Anywho, happy Wednesday!

So, the miming didn’t last long…

Hello, everyone! Happy Tuesday!

I see your miming act didn’t last long…

…Hey! It was an April Fool’s Day Prank. It wasn’t serious!

Oh, that reminds me of another incident! This time with one of my friends.

My friend was sometimes a little hyperactive when we were younger. This lead her, at one point, to declare “I am now taking a vow of silence.”

After that I started to count out loud.

After I got to about three, she gave a very indignant exclamation.

To that, I replied, “Congratulations! Your vow of silence lasted a whole three seconds!”

She was indignant. (But slightly amused, I’m sure.)

Oh. Oh my. That totally sounds like something I’d do.

Count how long a friend’s vow of silence lasted? I’m surprised!

No, break a vow of silence in less than three seconds.

Oh. Right. I guess this post does demonstrate that.

Anyways, Happy Tuesday, folks! I hope you have a great one.

Major Changes

Greetings, readers!

I have an announcement to make.

At Total Fluff, Fluffy McGiggles and I have been realizing that there’s a problem: Too many words.

Because of this, we have decided to mime everything from now on.

Here is an example of what sorts of riveting posts you can expect from us in the future. (I, the Webmaster, am clearly Purple. Fluffy McGiggles is green. With envy, I’m sure.)

Hey!

What, breaking the miming already?

So, as I was saying, here is an example post:

The Webmaster & Fluffy McGiggles mime a post.

Happy Monday, everyone!
And happy April Fool’s Day!